Incarnation by Emma Cornwall

Title: Incarnation
Author: Emma Cornwall
Publisher: Gallery Books
Release Date: September 18, 2012
Pages: 352 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Book Depository

Lucy Weston tracks down the novelist Bram Stroker in her search to reveal the dark force who made her a vampire—and regain her humanity in the process.

In the steampunk world of Victorian London, Lucy Weston, a character in Dracula, seeks out Bram Stoker to discover why he deliberately lied about her in his popular novel. With Stoker’s reluctant help, she tracks the creature who transformed her from the sensual underworld where humans vie to become vampires to a hidden cell beneath a temple to madness and finally into the glittering Crystal Palace where death reigns supreme.

Haunted by fragmentary memories of her lost life and love, Lucy battles her thirst for blood as she struggles to stop a catastrophic war that will doom vampires and humans alike. Ultimately, she makes a choice that illuminates for her—and for us—the true nature of what it means to be human. 

Review:

Though I primarily read young adult novels, I'm no stranger to adult novels and enjoy them just as much. It's nice to have an occasional break from the teenage dramatics inherent to many YA novels, you know? As big a Dracula/vampire fan as I am (but I was not a fan of the cover the edition of Dracula I had as a child possessed; I wish I had a picture of it to show off, but I don't), I expected Incarnation and its highly original idea to draw me in and never let go, but there was something off about everything.

Cornwall's idea is fantastic and I love everything about it. The idea of Dracula being a piece of propaganda twisting and concealing the truth of vampires and the fate of Lucy Westenra (her real name being Lucy Weston) was what grabbed my attention in the first place and the way the author expanded on it kept me reading. The expansions made throughout the novel to include the Protectors, who safeguard humans from vampires, Slayers born every thousand years to cull the vampire population, and the precarious balance humans and vampires have in Victorian England aren't necessarily new, but the way in which Cornwall employs and describes them makes them feel like something of their own. Moderately fine pacing kept the story moving and unraveled the plots each side was planning in order to defeat the other.

What feels so off about the novel is that I didn't have any emotional investment and there doesn't seem to be much passion in the novel. I respond to a passionately written novel by diving headfirst into it and caring about what happens to each and every character like they're my family, but there was no such connection to Incarnation. Lucy is sympathetic as she struggles with her nature and the differences that set her apart from other vampires, but she didn't truly earn sympathy from me; I just knew that was how I was supposed to feel. The steampunk element seems like more of an afterthought than anything--which I didn't mind, as someone who doesn't care much for it, but readers coming in expecting more steampunk will be disappointed.

The way the novel leaves off, there is easily room for a sequel, though I don't know if there will be one. My Googling skills haven't turned up anything yet, and if there were a sequel, I'm not sure whether I'd read it or not. Fellow Dracula and vampire fans looking for a new twist on a familiar story will enjoy Incarnation and perhaps they will respond to it better than I did.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers

Team Human by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan

Title: Team Human
Author: Justina Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan
Publisher: HarperTeen
Release Date: July 3, 2012
Pages: 344 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: ARC received through a swap with a friend.
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

Just because Mel lives in New Whitby, a city founded by vampires, doesn't mean she knows any of the blood-drinking undead personally. They stay in their part of town; she says in hers. Until the day a vampire shows up at her high school. Worse yet, her best friend, Cathy, seems to be falling in love with him. It's up to Mel to save Cathy from a mistake she might regret for all eternity!

On top of trying to help Cathy (whether she wants it or not), Mel is investigating a mysterious disappearance for another friend and discovering the attractions of a certain vampire wannabe. Combine all this with a cranky vampire cop, a number of unlikely romantic entanglements, and the occasional zombie, and soon Mel is hip-deep in an adventure that is equal parts hilarious and touching.

Acclaimed authors Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan team up to create a witty and poignant story of cool vampires, warm friendships, and the changes that test the bonds of love.

Review:

You know how you sometimes think, when reading a vampire book "Man, this girl has no brains/has a terrible best friend. She needs someone to talk some sense into her/be a better friend!"? Mel wants to be that sensible best friend advising her lovestruck friend to take it slow with the vampire. How successful she is at being the sensible best friend and main character in Team Human is up in the air. For multiple reasons, this is one of the toughest reviews I've ever had to write.

As you might expect, the characters sometimes feel like improved versions of more famous characters in vampire lit. Cathy is our typical mature, bookish girl who rushes into a relationship with a vampire, but she knows exactly what she is getting into. She weighs the pros and cons of becoming a vampire, buries herself in books about transitioning, and isn't letting anyone, including her vampire boyfriend or her best friend, tell her what to think or do. Mel is the best friend we've been begging girls like Cathy to get, though she gets pushy and prejudiced sometimes. (But I love her name--Mellifluous. Heehee!)

I've read novels from both Larbalestier and Brennan before this and while they blended their individual styles well, there were a few moments where I felt like I knew who had written that specific line or scene. A line about Francis having a stake where the sun don't shine is one I'm almost certain is Brennan's. While it was a funny novel and a solid parody of the "girl meets vampire" trope, it didn't quite make the leap to hilarious. I would call it more of a dramedy than a parody, though. Book gets seriously serious toward the end.

One of my problems with the novel is that things from it tended to resemble a few things in real life that I'm unsettled by. Some of Mel's statements about human-vampire relations and how the two groups should be kept apart strongly reminded me of how segregationists in the U.S. during the '50s and '60s spoke. How thorough the process of informing a human about the risks and consequences of transitioning (showing them zombies, three required sessions with a counselor, parental permission required if underage) very slightly reminded me of the million hurdles women have to go through to get an abortion in certain places. But--I can't stress this strongly enough--the resemblance to abortion hurdles is very slight because aborting a fetus and changing species are two entirely different things.

I see bits and pieces of why I love both authors in this book. Humor I can see Brennan coming up with, Larbalestier's own brand of quips, and the gifts they both have in writing relationships between characters are all there. All the central characters are well-rounded too, so why, for some reason I can't figure out, couldn't I get fully immersed with the novel? Maybe it was the mystery element that took over the story halfway through. The only thing that impressed me about it was the aftermath of it. I tried so hard to love it, but you can't force bookish love.

After having so much trouble investing myself in the novel and finding things to love about it, I'm not sure I'll be back for its sequel. Vampire fans will almost certainly love it, and others who want to see the "girl meets vampire" scenario poked fun at by two talented YA authors will want to check Team Human out. I'm sad to say this is a bit of a disappointment for me.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Forgotten by Cat Patrick

Immortal Hearts by Ellen Schreiber

Title: Immortal Hearts
Author: Ellen Schreiber
Publisher: Katherine Tegen Books
Release Date: May 15, 2012
Pages: 260 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

Athena "Stormy" Sterling is coming to Dullsville, and Raven is both excited and panicked in anticipation of Alexander's little sister's visit. Alexander tells Raven that she and his sister have a lot in common, but can the mini-Raven be everything she hopes for? Alexander calls her Stormy for a reason.

Stormy's visit stirs up the perfect immortal whirlwind. Raven is forced to take a good look at what it would really mean to become a vampire in the Sterling family, aside from some of the things she already loves, like shunning the sun and sleeping in a coffin with Alexander. When Raven compares her life with Stormy's, she can see that it's not all starry skies and black roses. But Raven knows she's always wanted to be a vampire.

Alexander is as romantic and dreamy as ever, and though he keeps showing Raven how much he loves her, will she ultimately be able to convince him that it's the right thing to turn her?

This final chapter of Vampire Kisses' nocturnal romance will keep all mortal and immortal hearts racing.

Review:

In October 2007, when I was a mere lass of thirteen, I discovered the Vampire Kisses series and fell in love. Four and a half years later, in May 2012, Immortal Hearts brought the end of the series and I, ever the dutiful fan, blubbered like an infant when I finished reading it. The final book of the series was fluffy and brought the resolution all the fans have been waiting for, but it was also pretty badly planned and doesn't actually offer very much resolution at all.

Everything I've come love the series for and expect from each installment was here: failtastic clothing descriptions ("her tights were ripped in all the trendy and cool places" (p. 55) doesn't actually tell me very much about where her tights are ripped); ridiculous emphasis on the greatness of Goth fashion; Jagger (and nothing more needs to be said); Raven drooling over Alexander and being a brat over wanting to become a vampire--you know, the usual stuff. And we get a tweenage vampire with braces!

Heck, the writing was pretty repetitive too. More than it usually is, and it's not that great in the first place. Two paragraphs on pages 202 and 207 reiterated the same main point. See?

 "The offer was attractive, and though I didn't want to become a vampire with Jagger, I was flattered that someone wanted to change me. I knew Alexander did, but Jagger was offering it to me only last night. It was something I couldn't shake. If Jagger wanted it, thought about it, and tried to make it happen, did that mean Alexander would too?" (p. 202)

""I need to know," I said again. Jagger's offer was flattering but not something I'd really consider since I loved Alexander. And now that Stormy wanted me to be part of the Underworld, I realized that the only one who was reticent about my being turned was my one true love." (p. 207)

But we learn a little bit about Jameson! It may have taken nine books to say something as small as what he is (a half-vampire), but it finally got put out there. Funny Raven never got curious enough to ask before now, but whatever. She was too busy going on graveyard dates and partying and stuff like that.

I make this series sound so horrible, don't I? It is horrible, but I love it. So what if these two teenagers moved way too quickly after just over a year of dating? They're fucking adorable. I don't read this series for quality work, I read it for the fluffy love and nostalgia. Raven's story reads easily, Alexander's little sister Stormy turns out to be adorable and fairly realistic for a twelve-year-old in her situation, and it's all good as long as readers can read it as tongue-in-cheek.

Yeah, I'm failing pretty badly at getting across why I love these books. When I read them, they take me back to when I was thirteen. Back then, my biggest worry was getting a cell phone and Raven and Alexander's love story was the cutest damn thing I'd ever seen. Raven spoke to the teen in me and Alexander, the sensitive artist, and Jagger, the driven bad boy with eyes two different colors, made me swoon in equal measure.

(I've really grown up in four and a half years, haven't I? Now if only Raven could show that kind of growth...)

And so ends Raven and Alexander's table, but it will always be with me. Now it's time to indulge my inner fangirl with crackshipping (Raven/Jagger could have been canon!!!!!11!!1!) (sorry, she took control for a second), imagined fanfic, and unrestrained squeeing. I think a quick reread of some of the previous books is in order.

Okay, that's where the review ends for everyone that wants a spoiler-free review. SPOILER CITY AHEAD. If you want to see how it all goes down, don't mind massive spoilers, and care about my qualms with the ending, keep going. You still have quite a ways to go. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER. Got it? Okay.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy Raven is a vampire now, but the minute character growth she gained got negated by her transformation. So she started pressuring Alexander about becoming a vampire RIGHT NOW, they fight, and she realizes pressuring him about it is wrong for multiple reasons (she isn't considering how much pressure is on him, she sounds selfish, it makes her sound like she's only in pursuit of vampirism and not in love, etc.). Hooray! She figures out she's being an idiot! But then Alexander comes back and gives her exactly what she wants. Fucksticks!

The last two pages of the novel are Raven going through the covenant ceremony and becoming a vampire. What happens afterward? For all intents and purposes, Raven is now a high school dropout and married woman at the age of seventeen, all without any input from her parents. Actually, she waited until her parents went out and then went to the graveyard to have her covenant ceremony in secret. How will they react when their daughter tells or shows them she is now a vampire and Alexander's eternal partner? Because they can't not find out. Will they--or Trevor, now that he knows about the vampires too--spill the beans to the rest of the town? Does everyone get staked or chased out of town? Is everyone okay with it? Does Scarlet kill Trevor?

Open-ended series endings are fine, but there are limits. Immortal Hearts is way beyond that limit. So many questions like the ones I asked above are left open that I feel there needs to be a tenth book or more length to Immortal Hearts in order to answer them. I can't remember an open ending that screwed up quite this badly before.

Non-nostalgic rating: 2 stars!
Nostalgic rating: 4 stars!

What am I reading next?: The Space Between by Brenna Yovanoff

Ignite by Kaitlyn Davis

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2012 treats you well both lifewise and bookwise. Unfortunately, my year in books has... To say the least, it has not started off well.

Title: Ignite
Author: Kaitlyn Davis
Publisher: Kaitlyn Davis (self-published)
Release Date: October 9, 2011
Pages: 207 pages (according to Amazon estimate; Ignite is only available in ebook format)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

"With one last look, one final search of the lines of his face for some sign, Kira turned and ran away from the sound of the man she loved laughing in the face of her death."

When Kira Dawson moves to South Carolina, she meets Luke, a blond goofball who quickly becomes her best friend, and Tristan, a mysterious bad boy who sends shivers down her spine. Kira knows they're keeping secrets, but when she discovers Tristan's lust for blood and her own dormant mystical powers, Kira is forced to fight for her life and make the heartbreaking decision between the familiar comfort of friendship and the fiery passion of love.

Review:

Unable to afford staying at the boarding school she attended in New York, Kira is back home in South Carolina for high school. On her first day there, she meets and immediately becomes friends with Luke and develops a fascination for Tristan, one of the misfits Luke seems to have something against. As Kira and Tristan slowly grow closer, the secrets they keep come out in the open: what Tristan is, what Kira can do, and the threat each presents to the other. Will they be able to make it work or will their adversarial natures win out?

Most of the characters simply fell flat, but Kira was difficult to like and I never completely came around to her. What was there for me to like? Thieves who act entitled to what they stole are not fun to read about, nor do I care to read about characters who come off as terrible friends but seem like they're supposed to be seen as good friends. Everything is so convenient for her, almost to the point of becoming a deus ex machina, that it robs all obstacles in her way of conflict.

Even after finishing the novel and thinking it over, I lack an understanding of what drew Kira and Tristan together in the first place or what they see in each other. The grand, genuine connection they're supposed to have feels more like insta-love. One of the grand flaws of the novel is its lack of genuine connections between any of the characters. I didn't believe for a second Kira was truly friends with any of her "friends" and I felt the same way about her relationship with her family.

I'll cut to the chase: In regards to the writing, this is an insult, not a book. When I read a novel, I expect it to demonstrate a mastery of basic grammar, word usage, and punctuation in whatever language I'm reading it in. This is supposed to be a final copy of Ignite, meaning it should be the absolute best it can be, but there is nothing that can convince me anything more than the bare minimum effort required was put into this novel. Being self-published is no excuse. If I were an editor, I would never take something of this quality. Cheating at narration, horrible syntax, overly blatant foreshadowing,... It hits all my pet peeves at a reader.

Ignite follows the same basic YA paranormal romance formula and feels heavily derivative of more popular works. I've seen a lot of formulaic YA around; I'm not much for such books anyway, but at least most of them have a feeling of life to them, like someone really believed in that story. For all the forbidden romance and conflict Kira is supposed to have, I felt no life or passion from it. It does try to be a little original at times and that is appreciated, but they aren't necessarily good tries. The "channeling the sun" business still makes me spare a giggle or two when I think about it.

One of the problems with formulaic YA is that the same problematic elements tend to carry over without comment or examination and I'm sad to say that problem happens here too. Some of Tristan's behavior comes off as creepy, mean, and downright scary, but he is supposed to be attractive. I do not find it sexy or remotely appealing when the love interest creeps me out and the main character openly admits he is scaring her. Romanticizing such behavior is one thing I wish YA could stop doing.

This is a small secret of mine, but vampire novels have an advantage with me as a reader. I survived the flood of vampire YA in recent years and still love the monsters of the night dearly. Not only am I a big vampire fan, I'm a nostalgic one too--remind me of one of two kinds of vampires and you have me. Even with a handicap in its favor, Ignite failed to win me due to its lack of genuine connections between characters, formulaic and derivative storyline, and the apparent lack of effort put into it. When I pay for a book, I expect to read a book, not a first draft.

0 stars!

What am I reading next? The Sharp Time by Mary O'Connell

Last Breath by Rachel Caine

Title: Last Breath
Author: Rachel Caine
Publisher: Penguin/NAL
Release Date: November 1, 2011
Pages: 335 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

With her boss preoccupied researching the Founder Houses in Morganville, student Claire Danvers is left to her own devices when she learns that three vampires have vanished without a trace.

She soon discovers that the last person seen with one of the missing vampires is someone who has just moved to town: a mysterious individual named Magnus. After an uneasy encounter with Morganville's newest resident, Claire is certain that magnus isn't merely human. But is Magnus a vampire--or something else entirely?

One thing is clear: Magnus is to blame for the disapperances. And if vampires are turning into victims, what chance does a human like Claire have?

Review:

Michael and Eve are ready to ring the wedding bells, but the rest of the town isn't so ready for their marriage. Neither side is willing to let the two races mix and considering previous precedent of what happens when humans and vampires marry, their worries are almost understandable. As the group fights for the couple's right to marry, Claire is seeing a man no one else can see, a nondescript man that...turns to water? Who is he? What is he? Whoever or whatever he is, his presence has the vampires ready to run away, but the capture of people near and dear to them sends them into the monster's lair.

See how different my summary is from the back cover summary? That's because the "official" summary lied.

Last Breath was a fast-paced thrill ride that could keep a reader glued to their seat. It can be occasionally interrupted by shifts in the point-of-view (there are five narrators this time around, giving the reader a better look at characters they have already come to know well), but it. is generally a straightforward novel. The numerous tension-filled scenes and fights are wonderfully written and fly by in a flash. Funny, shocking (and it really is this time--can you say another main character death?), complex--it's everything a Morganville book should be and just a little bit more.

And there went all the praise. Crit time!

It appears the reader is supposed to be on Claire and co.'s side about the marriage, but I found myself on Amelie's side. It isn't fair for them to be denied their right to marry, but Amelie has never pretended to be fair. She wants to keep Morganville peaceful and letting the two get married would cost the town what small and fragile peace there is. Solid rationale by a person whose decision could either make a small group unhappy or send the entire town into chaos.

The dual plots of Magnus's presence in Morganville connected to the vampires going missing and Michael and Eve's struggle to get married are unevenly balanced--the marriage plot conquers the entire first half of the book with minute appearances from the Magnus plot, then the Magnus plot takes full control and the marriage plot is (understandably) completely forgotten--and I still have questions about it that were never answered. Why could Claire see Magnus when she wasn't supposed to?

Somehow, I have only just now managed to notice the lows of the descriptions. Between all the not-facey faces and the eyes-but-not-eyes, I wanted a decision to be made already about what they were or were not. Then there was a gem in Eve being described as poisonously fierce (that is going to be a memorable example of bad description) and after so many descriptions of Eve's Goth makeup and Goth clothes and totally-not-described-but-totally-there Goth underwear, I wanted the book to stop. She's beautiful. She's Goth. Point made. Describing them so much so many times is a waste of precious words.

And that was the end of our objective segment (and yes, that was my twisted version of objective). Now is where I stop considering the true quality of the book and get down to how I felt about it in my heart of hearts and yadda yadda yadda.

See, I have a longstanding tradition concerning the Morganville Vampires series: I read each book in one sitting during one day. They were just that good (though Bite Club was another story, but that's neither here nor there) and kept me glued to the pages so I could find out where Claire, Shane, Eve, and Michael were going and what they would do.

This time? It took me two days, and the tradition was not broken out of necessity. No, it was broken because I was so disinterested in the book that I procrastinated reading it, mostly by working on my NaNoWriMo novel. A terrible sign indeed. (AND I HAVE SAID NOTHING OF MY DARLING MYRNIN WHEN MY LAST TWO REVIEWS OF MORGANVILLE BOOKS BABBLED ABOUT HIM. Could there be a worse sign?)

Does the book have problems? Absolutely. Is the book terrible? No. Despite my indifference to it this time around, I do recognize the book's quality (why else would it be getting four stars instead of the three I think it deserves?). It is a marked improvement on Bite Club, but it appears I've checked out on the series at this point. Not even a huge cliffhanger promising that the next book Black Dawn will be a dramatic one full of good fight scenes interests me now.

4 stars!

What am I reading next?: Unleashed by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie

Cryptic Cravings by Ellen Schreiber

Title: Cryptic Cravings
Author: Ellen Schreiber
Publisher: HarperCollins/Katherine Tegen Books
Release Date: May 17th, 2011
Pages: 211 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

The morbidly monotonous Dullsville has finally become the most exciting place on earth now that Raven is madly in love with her hot vampire boyfriend, Alexander, and a crew of vampires has taken residence in Dullsville's old mill. Raven discovers Jagger's plan to open a new club, the Crypt, right here in Dullsville. But is it her dream come true or her worst nightmare? Raven and Alexander have to figure out what the nefarious vampire has in store for Dullsville's teen and vampire population. Can Raven convince Jagger to listen to her plans to make the Crypt the morbidly magnificent dance club it could be? Will it be safe for mortals and vampires alike?

And as Sebastian and Luna's relationship heats up, Raven wonders about her own amorous fate: Will Alexander ever turn her? Does he crave her and does he want to spend eternity together? And what does she really want?

With cryptic secrets and cravings, this eighth installment in the Vampire Kisses series is a romantic and mysterious thrill ride.

Review:

Jagger and Luna are back and this time, they want to open a club in Dullsville called the Crypt. Raven, seeing a place where she can finally belong in Dullsville, is excited about it and yet cautious; if Jagger makes the club a place for humans and vampires both, all the vampires coming to Dullsville could cause trouble and put Alexander's secret in danger. Raven and Alexander work to find out what Jagger has planned for the Crypt in case he's up to no good yet again. Meanwhile, Luna and Sebastian's relationship is blooming and Raven wishes more than once that Alexander would just turn her already. But is she ready to give everything up for her love?

I may as well admit now that this review is totally biased. The Vampire Kisses series changed my life and made me love reading, which led me to reviewing books and aspiring to become an author. I couldn't be critical of something so meaningful, beloved, and fluffy even if I tried.

Raven and Alexander's romance takes a little bit of a backseat in this installment to plans for the Crypt and Raven's slight introspection on whether or not she's prepared to give everything up, but they still have their moments together, including a half-gross, half-romantic birthday surprise for Alexander from Raven. These two may be cliches, but they make a cute couple when they're put together. It may not be completely healthy (Raven has insomnia from staying up late to be with Alexander), but it's better than some of what else is on the market (see Hush, Hush and Fallen, among others). They never manipulate and abuse each other, at least. I shouldn't have to settle, but with young adult trend as they are now...

One thing I do like about the books is that while Raven constantly thinks and says she would be willing to give up her world to be in Alexander's, she can't do it as easily as she thinks she can. All these vampires telling her that it isn't as romantic as she thinks and those moments with friends and family that she'll never have once she's a vampire are getting through to her! You know what would make this series legendary for me? If Raven decides her love for Alexander, not matter how true, isn't worth giving up her friends, family, and human life and she stays human. It's a shame it won't happen. I know Schreiber's books too well.

I also had some fun laughing at Raven. I don't think I've ever met such a dense character in my life. So there are seven books' worth of evidence that Trevor is in love with Raven, including buying a painting of her at auction, multiple people telling her he likes her, a guy who can read blood telling Raven that Trevor wished he were having a covenant ceremony with Raven instead of his then-girlfriend (long story, see the end of book three Vampireville), but it takes her all the way until now for her to figure it out? Her thickness is so impossible that it would cause the world to end if she were real. At least she recognizes by the end of it that if Alexander weren't there, she could have easily started dating Trevor.

Very few major events happen in Cryptic Cravings. There isn't much action and I can count on one hand how many events seem like they'll have importance in the future. Those few events are the reason I'm not going to call it filler that the author is using to make more money. I would love for Schreiber to write a larger Vampire Kisses book one day because the longest one is the first one at a short 253 pages, made shorter by how easy the books are to read. All the others barely extend past 200 pages.

The ending is all sorts of messy (and I should say that beyond this point are SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OMG I'M WARNING YOU!). What happened to Jagger and Luna? The plan to trick Sebastian into a covenant ceremony is a bust, so do they leave Dullsville again? Do they hide in the coffin room? Do they just leave the building? I have no idea. I would have liked some resolution on that end.

And then all of a sudden, we learn Alexander has a sister: Athena, or Stormy. This and Alexander's excuse of "oh, she never came up because I was too busy snogging you" are both huge buttpulls. It's been eight books and a year inside the bookverse! This is the kind of stuff that comes up! And Raven is barely concerned with him never mentioning a sister. Does she not wonder what else could he be hiding besides a sister? The only reason I can think of that he wouldn't mention his sister is that he doesn't like her, but he likes her enough to convince her to come to Dullsville, so that can't be it.

Bonus: It appears that "nefarious" is the word of Cryptic Cravings, just as "chagrin" was a common word in Twilight and "engage" was common in Abandon by Meg Cabot. I'm going to go through this book one day and count how many times the word appeared. I swear it must have been at least once per chapter.

If I were capable of looking at this series critically, this would surely be a two-star due to the stereotyping, lack of complexity and depth in its characters, subpar writing, and having very little happen. However, I love it too much to do that. These books keep me smiling and going when everything sucks and even I need fluffy, cheesy reads every now and then. Even if those fluffy reads cost eighteen dollars for barely two hundred pages and next to no progression. I honestly don't think the book is worth that much money.

4 stars!

What am I reading next?: Born at Midnight by CC Hunter

Bite Club by Rachel Caine

Title: Bite Club
Author: Rachel Caine
Publisher: Penguin/NAL Hardcover
Release Date: May 3rd, 2011
Pages: 337 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

After learning that vampires populate Morganville--and surviving a number of adventures with her new night-dwelling friends--college student Claire Danvers has come to realize that for the most part, the undead just want to live their lives.

But someone else wants them to get ready to rumble.

There's a new extreme sport being broadcast over the Internet: bare-knuckle fights pitting captured vampires against one another--or worse, against humans. Tracking the out-of-town signal leads Claire--accompanied by a loyal group of friends and frenemies--to discover that what began as an online brawl will soon threaten everyone in Morganville.

And if they want to survive, they'll have to do a lot more than fight...

Review:

A new gym has opened up in Morganville and Shane, to say the least, is excited that there's now a place where he can learn to kick vampire butt. He soon starts acting strangely and despite Claire's attempts to find out what's wrong, Shane isn't talking. Through her own invesigation brought on by the death of a classmate and the long trail that leads her down, Claire discovers that one of Morganville's greatest threats is still alive--and he's escaped his prison. She then discovers a website that broadcasts fight between vampires and humans in Morganville, something that could expose vampires and Morganville's secret to the world. Amelie wants whoever is involved dead, which is a bad thing when Shane is a regular feature of the videos.

This series is one of my current favorites because of how... unputdownable the books are and Myrnin, most of all. I read this book from the moment I got home until about 7:45 and coming out of it, I'm not really impressed. It wasn't awful, but there were definite problems and it's got me worried.

From the beginning, I felt that something was wrong. The narrative voice felt... off, somehow. Little comments that were strange even for Morganville narration, which gets pretty different for third-person narration. That was soon fixed, but then came little discrepancies. Does anyone ever remember hearing a mention in the last nine books of how Eve used to fence competitively? I don't, but she apparently did. Ten books in, we're told about the glamour, which some female vampires have and can use to influence humans and vampires. This felt a bit like an asspull done to justify the plot. There is no doubt that the plot was only possible because of the newly introduced glamour power. Otherwise, it never would have worked.

I don't think the shifts into Shane's first-person point of view from the usual third-person limited narration worked very well. Most of his narrative segments added nothing to the book and even the ones that did could have been done without. Frankly, they felt like fluff in a series that didn't need it. The last series that pulled that trick is one I went from loving to loathing. It feels like this book needed more editing, some tweaking of story and grammar and such in a few places and cleanup of the sometimes clunky prose and many misplaced commas. Nothing knocks you out of a suspenseful, tense scene like "Harry closed his eyes and sweated, a lot (p. 283)."

Most of all, Claire and Shane acted pretty out-of-character (though much of Shane's behavior is excused by glamour/for the sake of plot). Claire had a bit of information to tell her roommates about her MIT invite and yet she never tells Shane in all the opportunities she had before his mood swings kicked in. So this girl, who could stay up for three days straight (wasn't that it?) when forced to, can't force herself to stay awake a few minutes to finish a conversation and tell her boyfriend about an invitation to MIT? She forgives Shane for all he does in this book far too easily. As he admitted, he came under such control of the glamour because there was something there to work with. She doesn't seem to realize that. Also, Shane learns about his father's fate. His reaction? Not talk to people for a week and then be fine. Something felt off about that reaction.

Despite the rocky road at the beginning that I just ranted about, Bite Club got into the Morganville groove by the half point of the book and became impossible to put down. If anything, this series is a master of suspense, how everything gets tense and the narration will quit fooling around and start flowing smoothly. You always know the main four will live and that Amelie, Oliver, and Myrnin will too, but everyone else is fair game. Despite this surety, there's always the desperate need to keep turning those pages and find out how it's all going to work out. Each time I got a new Morganville book, I finished reading it the day I got it because the book wouldn't let me go. Bite Club was no exception. Only one or two other series are like that for me, and I've read many series!

If you are a fellow Myrnin fan like me, rejoice because he is here and just as much fun as usual! Among other things, he nearly causes many traffic accidents and we find out that his picture ID on Claire's phone is a close-up photo of those famous vampire bunny slippers. When I got irritated, I flipped back to his entertaining moments and it made me feel better again. Bonus if you're a Myrnin/Claire fan: everyone and their mother thinks, 'There's something there...' I'm not a fan of it and even I could see it. Most of what makes me love Morganville is its supporting characters and they are out in spades here to entertain the reader.

This is definitely my least favorite book yet in the series and it makes me worry for the future of the series. I can see where holes are forming in the foundation, threatening to make the entire structure fall apart and become a bad series. However, the two events did not happen at once like multiple series I don't wish to name. With more careful writing, Morganville can be saved. Most Morganville fans will love or at least like Bite Club and anxiously await Last Breath for their next dose of Myrnin (oh, and some other characters, in case they don't like Myrnin).

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Abandon by Meg Cabot

Last Sacrifice by Richelle Mead

Spoilers for all six books are contained within. Beware!

Title: Last Sacrifice
Author: Richelle Mead
Publisher: Razorbill
Release Date: December 7th, 2010
Pages: 594 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it from Amazon.

Rose Hathaway has always played by her own rules. She broke the law when she ran away from St. Vladimir's Academy with her best friend and last surviving Dragomir princess, Lissa. She broke the law when she fell in love with her gorgeous, off-limits instructor, Dimitri. And she dared to defy Queen Tatiana, leader of the Moroi world, risking her life and reputation to protect generations of dhampir guardians to come.

Now that law has finally caught up with Rose--for a crime she didn't even commit. She's in prison for the highest offense imaginable: the assassination of a monarch. She'll need help from both Dimitri and Adrian to find the one living person who can stall her execution and force the Moroi elite to acknowledge a shocking new candidate for the royal throne: Vasilisa Dragomir.

But the clock on Rose's life is running out. Rose knows in her heart the world of the dead wants her back...and this time she is truly out of second chances. The big question is, when your whole life is about saving others, who will save you?

Join Rose, Dimitri, Adrian, and Lissa in Last Sacrifice, the epic, unforgettable finale to Richelle Mead's international #1 bestselling Vampire Academy series.

Review:

After the cliffhanger ending of Spirit Bound, Rose is set to stand trial for the murder of the Moroi queen Tatiana, the great-aunt of her boyfriend Adrian. However, her friends and family don't plan to let hr go on trial. They break her out with the help of some explosions and she goes on the run with her Lissa-appointed bodyguard Dimitri. Their plan is to get her somewhere safe until she can be proven innocent, but Rose has her own mission: find Lissa's illegitimate half-sibling. Meanwhile, Lissa works hard at court to clear Rose's name, find Tatiana's true killer, and maybe even become the next queen.

When I first read the book and wrote the review for it in December 2010, I was on a cloud of euphoria and not thinking very clearly. None of my favorite characters died (even if two of my favorites were given serious crap), the series had what I thought was a good ending, and it was eleven at night. I just wanted to write my review and go to bed. That was a mistake. Without a critical mind in my head, I reviewed this book, the book I anticipated more than any other in 2010. This time around, I've got my head on straight.

First comes the good parts: Lissa. each piece of the story that showed what she was doing at court and her growth as a character were amazing. From what I know, very few fans liked Lissa at the beginning and I didn't care much for her either. Now she's my favorite female character. She underwent staggering growth in six books and I'm proud of the person she's become. This girl's cutting is long behind her; now she is true royalty, a woman who can stand on her own without leaning on Rose to support her. I think she'll make an amazing queen. Too bad I won't be able to see it for myself.

The expansion into the world of the Keepers, the Moroi and such that live in caves away from civilization, was fun while it lasted. I don't see any reason why it was there other than set-up for the spin-off (because you know that's exactly what this is), but I liked it. Angeline, a dhampir girl in the Keeper world, was an interesting one and it would be a crime if she didn't appear in the spin-off. We do learn who Lissa's sibling is and anyone who figured out Mead's style will know who it is. That doesn't mean it can't still be a shock, though.

Now then, on to the bad... And there's a lot of it. First stop: Adrian. He'd had so much bull thrown at him over the course of the series and he didn't deserve any of it. Adrian was always more compelling than Dimitri, especially in the later books, because he's (figuratively) human. He has his issues and problems and his character has such life, but he's given such horrible treatment. This guy funds your trip to Siberia so you can kill the guy you love (or try and fail, more accurately) and then you repay him by cheating on him and using his credit card for things like a hotel in Las Vegas? Wow... I'm glad they broke up. Adrian deserves better than that.

What I hate worse is that he won't get over his heartbreak on his own. No, everyone and their kitchen sink knows by now that people are already making calls of "Adrian/Jill!" and "Adrian/Sydney!" and "love triangle!" because everyone knows it will happen in the spin-off. Allow me to make a statement to counter one I saw a Vampire Academy fan make once: FALLING IN LOVE IS NOT THE ONLY HAPPY ENDING. Apparently, it's not a happy ending until they're in love with someone. Conquering a massive case of heartbreak and being free to live life without that burden does not seem to count. Other Vampire Academy fans really make me angry sometimes, you know?

I really thought this would be one paranormal book where the female love rival wouldn't turn into a raging bitch. She didn't get the guy, but Tasha seemed like a true ally of Rose's and a friend who could be trusted. Tasha was my favorite female character until now (Lissa pushed her off the pedestal) and I hated to see that her character became the villain. Well, we can always try again elsewhere... I should have expected it. For Pete's sake, I'd read the fifth Georgina book a few months earlier and the same thing: love rival/friend to main character turns into a horrible person over the guy they both like.

A series-wide problem that became obvious to me in this book is how women would use a man's feelings for them to get stuff done. There were at least two instances in this book and what Rose got Adrian to do for her in previous books would account for many more. I advocate the equality of men and women. That's what being feminist is about. In this series, women are often painted as manipulative creatures that are above men and act like puppeteers. Whether real or fictional, women do not need this kind of image! Why is playing with the heart, something most can agree is an unforgivable crime, so common within these novels?

Thinking over this book again, I suddenly realized it: I hate Rose Hathaway. Adrian's speech at the end of the novel was dead-on. Over the course of the series and especially the last two books, Rose became a manipulative girl trying to pass herself off as a hero and left a lot of collateral damage behind on the way to her happy ending with Dimitri. Whatever Jill wanted to do with her life is pretty much screwed now, Eddie will be lucky to get any sort of job after what's happened, and Adrian's got one heck of a broken heart. She just brushes all of this off with "you're only a victim because you're letting yourself be one." I need help for this one:

Let it be known that I am delusional. I loved this series so much at the beginning that my poor inner child can't accept the ending as a natural one and I made up two scenarios that explain the mess it turned into. One: The news of Dimitri becoming Strigoi drove Rose insane and her mental instability accounts for her thoughts and actions from Blood Promise onward. Two: Avery's spirit magic did something to Rose's brain during that fight and everything that happened from that point onward is because of that. I liked Blood Promise, so I use the second explanation. Either way, Rose stopped acting like Rose and that's how it fell apart.

Make fun of me. Comment and tell me how pathetic I am. I don't care. All I know is that this wonderful series that I fangirled and pushed on everyone I could (even my mother!) fell apart sometime around Spirit Bound  (or Blood Promise, but I liked that book and didn't notice if it happened in there) and I will not invest my money in the spin-off or its first book Bloodlines. I read the Georgina and Dark Swan books too, but I'm not reading anymore of Mead's books after the final Georgina book comes out. I'll leave Dark Swan unfinished and look it up one day. Why keep reading when I know the series will eventually implode? It happened in Georgina, then in Vampire Academy, and it will happen again.

2 stars!

Moonshine by Alaya Johnson

Title: Moonshine
Author: Alaya Johnson
Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
Release Date: February 16th, 2010
Pages: 288 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Christmas gift.

Zephyr Hollis is an underfed, overzealous social activist who teaches night school to the underprivileged of the Lower East Side. Strapped for cash, Zephyr agrees to help a student, the mysterious Amir, who proposes she use her charity worker cover to bring down a notorious vampire mob boss. What he doesn’t tell her is why. Soon enough she’s tutoring a child criminal with an angelic voice, dodging vampires high on a new blood-based street drug, and trying to determine the real reason behind Amir’s request—not to mention attempting to resist his dark, inhuman charm.

Review:

In 1920s New York, vampires and other such Others are minorities with few to no rights and Zephyr Hollis is the singing vampire suffragette, famous for how much she gives and her never-ending crusade for Other rights. She teaches classes for Others and immigrants so they can learn how to function in American society and it's normal for her to give all the money she has and have trouble paying her rent. Then along comes Amir, who offers her money to help him find Rinaldo, a vampire mobster. In her quest to find Rinaldo and do a few other things, like find the parents of a young, recently turned vampire boy, Zephyr runs into more than a few problems and gets a visit from her past.

I haven't read any books set in the 1920s before, so I don't exactly know whether the minute details of the setting are true or not, but they ring true to me. It feels like Johnson did her research on life back then and applied everything she learned to this novel. Despite how much fantasy is in this novel with all the vampires running around, this New York seems like the kind of New York that would have existed if vampires were real. It's just the right blend of reality and fantasy, something only a few authors can do. Johnson appears to be one of them.

Zephyr as a character has a good background and she is the only character I have ever seen that pulled off the "too giving" flaw without making it seem like a non-flaw. If you give your money away so much to the point that you nearly get kicked out of your apartment multiple times, that's a flaw. Her pre-New York background and her current actions as an Other activist provide a fun contrast and really shows how people can change in a few years. The supporting characters were fun and the plot moved along smoothly, tying itself up well in the end. If there was any sort of mystery, it is solved during the final confrontation. With an ending such as the one in Moonshine, the novel could be left as a stand-alone or be given a sequel. I haven't found any evidence of a future sequel yet, so I'm not sure there will be one. And...

And...

-sigh- I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say. I lacked any emotional involvement in this novel, so I'm just pulling stuff and trying to put my thoughts in order about them. I didn't care who lived or died, who turned Judah, what was wrong with Amir, where Faust was coming from--absolutely nothing caught my interest. I had a full PDF of this book before I started doing book reviews and got bored halfway through it, then closed the document and decided to get a print copy one day. Back then, I never thought on what was going on in the book and I didn't this time around either. It was neither bad nor good and in certain cases, this is worse than being bad. At least you care enough about a bad book to dislike it.

I wish I could give it a better rating than this. I really do. Sadly, a rule is a rule and if a book cannot earn my emotional investment, then it automatically gets this rating. Unless it's a special case, I make no exceptions. For anyone that's looking for a good book about the 20s and doesn't mind the large helping of fantasy mixed in, I recommend Moonshine. Maybe you'll get invested in it the way I couldn't.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Angelfire by Courtney Allison Moulton

Bloody Valentine by Melissa de la Cruz

Title: Bloody Valentine
Author: Melissa de la Cruz

Publisher: Hyperion

Release Date: December 28th, 2010
Pages: 147 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Birthday gift.

The Blue Bloods have powers beyond human comprehension: strength that defies logic, speed that cannot be captured on film, the ability to shape-shift, and more. But in matters of the heart, no one, not even these immortal vampires, has total control. In Bloody Valentine, part of the best-selling Blue Bloods series, author Melissa de la Cruz offers three tantalizing stories that delve deep into the love lives of the all-powerful vamps (and their Red Blood friends) from New York's Upper East Side. Might a witchy new girl help cure Oliver's broken heart? How did Allegra fall in love with a human? Will Schuyler and Jack finally be bonded?

Romantic and sensual, Bloody Valentine reveals the undying love, the hope and devastation, and the lust and longing that have defined the Blue Bloods throughout history. Prepare to be swept off your feet.

Review:

In this Blue Bloods novella, the pains and trials of love are explored in three short stories. In the first, Oliver is aching at Schuyler's absence due to his status as her familiar. Presented with a not-so-well-accepted solution to his heartache, he seriously contemplates it along with the advice of a friend he meets in a bar. In the second, Allegra Van Alen feels trapped under the pressure of her immortal lives and the watchful eye of her mother Cordelia. While at Endicott Academy in Massachusetts and far away from her mother's influence, she meets a fellow classmate named Bendix Chase and slowly falls in love. In the final story of the novella, Schuyler and Jack are busy planning their bonding ceremony before she leaves for Alexandria and he returns to New York to meet his fate. When one of their friends is kidnapped on his way to see their bonding, they must cooperate with another friend to get him back and save his life.

Oliver's tale, "Just Another Night in Suck City," gives us a peek into Oliver's head for the first time in the entire series. His heartbreak was written beautifully and felt very real. I've always had a soft spot for him because of his dedication to Schuyler both as a Conduit and friend, and this piece only made me like him more. Freya, a character who will make her starring and debut appearance in de la Cruz's adult title Witches of East End in summer 2011, makes a cameo appearance as a bartender at the bar Oliver and Schuyler frequented with fake IDs in hand. I'm surprised we haven't heard of their visits to this bar before. It seems like it was made up on the spot. Anyways, I got the kind of vibe from this story that said, "the only way heartbreak can be cured is with magic. Otherwise, you're stuck with it." I know how I feel about that message, but others will have varying reactions from agreement to severe disagreement. The conflict of being de-familiarized and use as a source of blood in a bloodhouse was an interesting one for a character like Oliver. My favorite story of the three.

The second short story of the novel, "Always Something There to Remind Me," follows Schuyler's mother Allegra Van Alen, otherwise known as Gabrielle the Uncorrupted, when she went to school at Endicott Academy and met Schuyler's father, whose name has changed more times than my home address. As a sixteen-year-old girl, I appreciated that she felt pressured by her identity as Gabrielle the angel, her brother/it's complicated Charles's everlasting love when she thinks she doesn't deserve it, and her mother's watchful eye. No teen, despite who they may have been in past lives and what they are, would take that kind of pressure well. Despite that, I still think she should have shown at least a little bit of acceptance of who she was instead of total rejection until the very end. Like I mentioned, she's the great Gabrielle; she can't afford to deny it as bad as she does. The insight into how Allegra and Bendix/Stephen/whatever fell in love was wonderful... until I read the last few paragraphs of the story. So she's back in love with Charles/Michael? What? How does this help the reader see how Schuyler came to be? It only raises more questions! With just a few sentences, fifty pages were pretty much invalidated for me. Least favorite story in the entire Blue Bloods continuity.

Schuyler and Jack's story, "Ring of Fire," chronicles the events just after the end of Misguided Angel. Jack proposed and with Schuyler's agreement, they must hurry to plan the ceremony and bring their friends in for it. The Venators loyal to the Countess, who is in turn still loyal to Lucifer, appear to ruin the fun and the fight scenes with them are grabbing. New limits are established on what both Jack and Schuyler can do and Bliss, who departed at the end of The Van Alen Legacy and has been absent from the books since, makes a cameo. Some will be happy about that and others definitely won't be. The story moves well, like one of the plots that could have been part of a book instead of a short story, and with its heartwarming bondinig ceremony at the end, it takes the honor of being my second-favorite story. If I didn't love Oliver so much and everything hadn't felt so convenient, it would have been my favorite.

The serious problems with continuity present in the series surface again and happen flagrantly. From what we have been told before, bonds were made in Heaven and stayed when they fell; now the explanation is that the bonds were made when the angels fell in order to punish them and take away their freedom to love. Christopher Anderson, the Conduit to Schuyler's grandfather, had his memory of the Blue Bloods wiped and yet is present at Schuyler and Jack's bonding ceremony; the name of Schuyler's father sees yet another change as he is referred to as Bendix or Ben when it was formerly thought his name was Stephen (or, if you go with the spelling presented in the family tree of Masquerade, Steven). The bonding happens after Misguided Angel and yet Oliver is said to need to return to New York to solve the mystery of the disappearing Blue Blood teens, a case solved in Misguided Angel. Why does Oliver have to go back to investigate a case that has already been solved? I can go on because there are plenty more violations, but I choose not to.

Another problem with this series just came to my attention: how everything is just so convenient. Jack is unable to transform into Abbadon due to a cursed ring? No problem. He suddenly rediscovers his powers to summon creatures from the Underworld to do his bidding. Oliver is stuck loving and being heartbroken Schuyler forever and ever because he is her familiar? That's okay too. He just gets de-familiarized, then re-familiarized just in time to save him from being bit by another Blue Blood, then gets a spell cast on him to ease his heartbreak. Oh, and Schuyler suddenly discovers how her mother's sword can pretty much ruin an entire roof structure without a problem for her either. How many more times will that come in handy? No deus ex machina occurrences are just how many I like. One is tolerable, but the multiple occurrences in this 147 page book are far beyond tolerable.

This last paragraph has nothing to do with the book itself other than the way it was advertised, and that had nothing to do with the rating. When I received the book, I noticed that it said "a Blue Bloods book" on the cover. If I hadn't already known Bloody Valentine was a novella, I would have been tripped up by that. Very few readers differentiate between a -series name here- novel and a -series name here- book; misguided advertising of a novella as a book leads to angry readers who complain. I remember seeing a version of the cover where it was labeled as "a Blue Bloods novella" and am left wondering what happened to that cover, which would have been more correct.

Honestly, there was no need for this book to be made. Two of the short stories could have been written into Misguided Angel without a problem and the third one, while it offers the reader insight into how Allegra fell in love with Bendix/Stephen/whatever his name is now, is rendered near-useless by the ending. This little piece adds to the confusion that comes with the Blue Bloods series instead of doing anything to lessen it. Despite that, these stories are undeniably interesting and quick reads. This is one better to borrow from a friend than to spend the money on buying it oneself.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: This Gorgeous Game by Donna Freitas (and I have a feeling it's going to be a doozy. I'm only 20 pages in and I feel like it's already trying too hard.)

Jane Bites Back by Michael Thomas Ford

Title: Jane Bites Back

Author: Michael Thomas Ford

Publisher: Ballantine Books

Release Date: December 29, 2009
Pages: 299 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it online because it sounded like fun

Two hundred years after her death, Jane Austen is still surrounded by the literature she loves--but now it's because she's the owner of Flyleaf Boos in a sleepy college town in Upstate New York. Every day she watches her novels fly off the shelves--along with dozens of unauthorized sequels, spin-offs, and adaptations. Jane may be undead, but her books have taken on a life of their own.

To make matters worse, the manuscript she finished just before being turned into a vampires has been rejected by publishers--116 times. Jane longs to let the world know who she is, but when a sudden twist of fate thrusts her back into the spotlight, she must hide her read identity--and fend off a dark man from her past while juggling two modern suitors. Will the world's most beloved author be able to keep her cool in this comedy of manners, or will she show everyone what a woman with a sharp wit and an even sharper set of fans can do?

Review:

Two hundred years ago, Jane Austen was turned into a vampire and ever since, she has been hiding among humans under many names, her current one being Jane Fairfax as she lives in New York and owns an independent bookstore called Flyleaf Books. She has spent the time since her "death" to try and get her final novel Constance published, only for it to be rejected every time until one house in the present time finally accepts it. Just when that happens, the vampire that turned Jane arrives in town to see her and she starts to develop some boy problems. Walter, the guy who fixes up homes for a living, wouldn't mind fixing her heart and she's got maybe just a teeny tiny crush on her new editor, the unfortunately-named Kelly. Accusations come forth that she plagiarised someone in her novel and sooner or later, all this pressure just might make poor Jane's head explode.

The premise was one of the most grabbing I've seen in recent months. A satire on the industry of Austen with a vampire Jane Austen that is trying to get a book published and defend it when a blogger calls it plagiarized? Sign me up! Unfortunately, there was a large gap between what I was expecting to read and the actual content of the novel. My imagination gave this book too much hype and it was an underwhelming read, though it would not have been a great novel for me even without the hype.

I should have suspected this would be the case from the mention of the dark guy from her past and two modern suitors, but I didn't realize how much of the book would be concentrated on Jane's romantic dilemmas. What did I expect? A satire of the Austen industry where a vampire Jane Austen is trying to get her book published, has to fight back when someone accuses her of plagiarism, and oh yeah, has some guy problems. It was more along the lines of Jane has guy problems and oh yeah, is trying to get a novel published and gets accused of plagiarism on it.The satire part is mostly confined to the first few pages and less than five one or two line reappearances in the rest of the novel. I kind of wanted a break from so much romance after reading a little too much bad or bland romance, but it turned out that I read more of it with this novel.

Almost every time something comes along that might distract from Jane's guy problems, something else comes along to get rid of it or the problems come to her. The blogger that accuses Jane of plagiarism? Yeah, that problem is eliminated shortly after it arrives. No more plagiarism claims. Traveling away from the boys? One of them comes to her! The romance overtakes the plot and makes what could have been a fantastic book if there had been less lovey-dovey nonsense a so-so read.

There isn't much else to say about this novel. It was not particularly good, but there was nothing that annoyed me other than the lack of a few things I would have liked to have seen in the story that the back cover made me think might be there. There were a few things I enjoyed, like how the novel took the war between Austen and the Brontes to a whole new level and Jane's wit, but otherwise, there was little that stood out to me. I wanted to put the novel down at one point because of Byron's monstrously creepy behavior (any pun that might be there may or may not be intended) but then I realized that for once, it was not being romanticized and it became a little more bearable.

Maybe I'm the problem for once. After reading this, I suppose that a read of at least one of Austen's novels and some knowledge of her would be required to fully enjoy the novel. I know very little about Jane Austen and I have never read any of her books (even though I plan to within the next year; it's on my list). Reading without that knowledge behind me could have made me miss the fun of the novel and may do the same to other readers.

Ultimately, this novel was underwhelming for me in some unexplainable way. Considering how interested I was in the premise, this is sad. Perhaps I should have known due to the genre of this book that Jane would be too busy trying to fix her Leaky Faucet of Boy Problems to unfreeze the pipeline above her that the plot was coming from. This is more about Jane Austen's boy troubles as a vampire than anything else. Anyone looking for more may get little doses of it, but it doesn't get enough focus to matter. Will I pick up the sequel Jane Goes Batty when it comes out in February 2011? No.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Delcroix Academy: The Candidates by Inara Scott

'Salem's Lot by Stephen King

Title: 'Salem's Lot

Author: Stephen King

Publisher: Doubleday

Release Date: October 17, 1975

Pages: 631 pages (mass market paperback)

How I Got the Book: Bought it in a used bookstore

Stephen King's second novel, 'SALEM'S LOT, is the story of a mundane town under siege from the forces of darkness. Considered one of the most terrifying vampire novels ever written, it cunningly probes the shadows of the human heart--and the insular evils of small-town America.

Review:

Many years after living there with his aunt, author Ben Mears returns to Jerusalem's Lot (or 'salem's Lot, as many of the townspeople call it) to face his childhood fears of the imposing Marsten House and write another book. While he is there, strange things begin to happen: one boy goes missing and another boy, the former's brother, dies of what seems to be anemia. Other townspeople begin to die too in the same strange way and at a rate much to fast for a small town like 'salem's Lot. Ben and other townspeople who realize what is going on arm themselves for a fight against vampires as the residents of the town are turned one-by-one into soulless creatures of the night.

I like vampire novels and with something on the back title that says it is considered one of the most terrifying vampire novels ever written, how could I resist? Evil vampires who actually seem evil are a real treat due to today's trends in vampire literature. I saw this in a used bookstore and snatched it up just like that. I enjoyed my time in 'salem's Lot, for the most part.

As I expected, there were some scenes that gave me genuine chills because this is a Stephen King novel, after all. If he doesn't give the reader chills at least once, he has failed. There is one scene involving a teen mother named Sandy McDougall that I remember vividly, even though I read that scene about two weeks ago and have poor memory. To preserve the shock factor of that scene and other chilling scenes for those who have not read the novel, they will not be thoroughly discussed, but there are quite a few of them. The corruption among the townspeople is evident and quite saddening because it is just as bad in real life right now, if not even worse. The back cover of my copy made it sound overrated and in some ways, it was. When it came to the probing-the-shadows-of-the-human-heart thing, this novel was most certainly not overrated.

I almost didn't make it to some of these more chilling scenes. The novel starts out extremely slow--it takes about 200 pages before the story gets going. Before that mark, I had seriously contemplated putting the book down and leaving it as a DNF, but I only do that now if the book is truly torturing me. I'm glad I stuck it out because the story really got going... then slowed down, then got going again, then slowed down again, and then got back going and stayed going until the last page. Sometimes, it pained me not to read the book; other times, I wondered to myself, "When is this going to end?" I have gotten through books with 800 to 900 pages with no problem staying interested, so this cannot be blamed on the impressive length of the edition I have.

The characterization was a little bit weak to me. Just about every character (except for Mark, who I kind of liked) was rather... blah, I guess you could say. None of the characters stood out to me. Ben and Susan's love had me rolling my eyes. Why were they in love? what had they done together that would constitute them being in love? I excused that latter point somewhat because King is not a romance writer and does not try to be one, but that does not excuse the bland characterization of everyone else. Even then, he may not get the excuse because even if one is not a romance writer, they should make some effort at being realistic at romance.

Personally, I don't care much for King's writing style. I was fine with it when I read Carrie a few weeks ago, but that book was significantly shorter than 'Salem's Lot. I could only take his distant (in my opinion, so please don't bite my head off for this) style for so long before I wanted to put the book down. Where was this mark? Around 350 or 400 pages. If it bothered me me with this 600 page novel, reading the 1,000 word Under the Dome would be truly murderous on me!

To reiterate, this novel was a good one that sent chills up my spine, but the slow pacing that pulled a few stop-and-go kind of deals brought down the quality of the book, along with the weak characterization for most of the characters. Despite this, I recommend 'Salem's Lot to any vampire fan with the warning that they will need to stick it out to get to the good parts and not put it down, no matter how mind-numbingly boring the first 200 pages or so might get.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Wildthorn by Jane Eagland