Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens

Title: Thoughtless
Author: S.C. Stephens
Publisher: Gallery Books
Release Date: November 6, 2012
Pages: 544 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Book Depository
Promotional Materials and More: author website

For almost two years now, Kiera's boyfriend, Denny, has been everything she's ever wanted: loving, tender and endlessly devoted to her. When they head off to a new city to start their lives together, Denny at his dream job and Kiera at a top-notch university, everything seems perfect. Then an unforeseen obligation forces the happy couple apart.

Feeling lonely, confused, and in need of comfort, Kiera turns to an unexpected source – a local rock star named Kellan Kyle. At first, he's purely a friend that she can lean on, but as her loneliness grows, so does their relationship. And then one night everything changes...and none of them will ever be the same.

Review:

The only good I got out of reading Thoughtless is that I now have the ability to horrify people with how a beer bottle was shoved in a woman's vagina before page 30.

"...this girl, damn, she had the best rack I've ever seen." The bassist paused to make a crude gesture with his hands, as if the guys would need that statement clarified. "And the shortest skirt too. Everybody around us was completely wasted, so I ducked under the table and shoved that skirt as high as it would go. Then I grabbed my beer bottle and stuck--" (ARC p. 28)

I think it's clear where he was going. Anyone else want to consider the possibility that he did this without the woman's consent or when she was too drunk to give consent? Hello there, rape. Besides, everyone knows proper etiquette is to wait at least 50 pages before inflicting that kind of mental scarring on a reader. Common courtesy and all that. I thought this was New Adult, not adult erotica!

To sum up Thoughtless in a nutshell: It is 544 pages of lifeless, badly written, plotless schmoop dripping with enough melodrama to kill an elephant. I tried so hard to look at this the way fans of the novel and Simon & Schuster (whose imprint Gallery Books picked up this trilogy after the first two books were self-published) did, but the appeal is not there. This novel should not have seen the light of day, much less been given a publishing deal.

You know that character who is always like, "Oh my gosh, why is this super-hot guy paying attention to me? I'm so plain, even though there are at least four guys with some level of interest in me and people are constantly grabbing my butt!" That's Kiera.

She's also the blushing virgin sans the virginity. I can understand the quoted story above making her blush, but the simple word "penis" after she's been having sex with her boyfriend of two years for a good while? It's ridiculous! Her immaturity, shown by such actions, become more obvious when considering she changed schools solely to move to Seattle with her boyfriend (and has no problem admitting it), being a selfish child by demanding Kellan do this or that even though they're not together and she's cheating on her boyfriend all the time with him, and so much more that I can't recount it all without losing my temper again.

Kellan and Kiera disgust me and I would like to hurt them both. End of story. Infidelity is one of my huge no-nos and that made it impossible to root for them the way I was supposed to. Their scenes, rather than getting me hot or making me like them like they're supposed to, made me reach for my trash can and force me to take a break in order to preserve my sanity. Other people may be able to get around the infidelity, but I can't. I have no interest in reading about these two selfish, childish people and all their drama as they hurt their best friend (Kellan) and boyfriend (Kiera) with their actions. This novel has no plot unless this counts and these two characters are not interesting or tolerable enough to carry the entire book.

Honestly, they are so bad that I could not finish reading this novel. I read over 300 pages of the disgusting schmoop, flipped to the last chapter, and promptly felt nauseated again as a happily-ever-after was confirmed. My two reasons for giving it a rating and not just calling it a DNF:

1) I've read over half the novel and that is my cut-off for ratings. I don't rate if I read less than half, but I do if I read more than half.

2) I missed absolutely nothing by skipping 200 or so pages to get to the end. To me, that's the equivalent of reading the entire book in misery.

If a girl is interested in Kellan, she is written as an insipid (Kiera's word from page 10 of the ARC, not mine) mess who can't stop herself from drooling over him. Some of them are drunken and.or ugly too, just to add to it. The only females in the story who aren't badly portrayed are Kiera's sister (who starts out as the same drooling-over-Kellan mess and stays that way for a while) and women who are uninterested in Kellan, such as Kiera's co-worker Jenny.

I saw recently where an author turned in a 24k novella and the 55 ellipses she used total were considered too many. In a single fifteen-page chapter, Thoughtless used 74 ellipses, only 11 of which were used to transition flashbacks. This novel doubtlessly has nothing on Fifty Shades of Gray, the ultimate ellipses abuser, but this novel used them far too often. That one chapter was the only one in which I had the patience to count, but they are everywhere in this novel. Don't abuse the ellipses, people! Just don't!

That's just one example of lazy writing, and there are many more, but a worse crime with the writing: a lack of passion. Ben Stein's monotone voice narrated this in my head because there is absolutely no passion in Kiera's voice. Even when she's getting it on with Kellan or her boyfriend, it seems like she's just going through the motions while she narrates. That does not make for good, interesting reading. There are highlights everywhere in my e-galley of passages that were especially badly written, horrifying, or tasteless.

In addition to badly written, it's badly researched. When Denny has to fly to Tuscon for his job early in the novel, Kiera and Kellan somehow stay with him right up until he boards the flight. Uh, no. That's not how it works. It's well-known now that in major airports across the United States, no civilians are allowed to go any further than the entrance to security without a plane ticket. When people without tickets make it past security, it makes the national news and the TSA gets ripped a new one.

The stated target range of New Adult novels is ages 14-35. Are you kidding me? No fourteen-year-old should be reading this book! The descriptions of sex in this novel are on the same level as the kind I've seen in urban fantasy novels aimed at adults. I'm starting to wonder if this genre is by and large and excuse for people to aim sex at teenagers without someone getting up in arms about it. Sex in a YA novel? Oh my gosh, ban that book! The children must not see it! Sex in New Adult? No one cares. -rolls eyes-

I'm the ideal target audience for this book and I've got an iron stomach for all things terrible and bookish, but even I can't deal with Thoughtless. If it turns out Easy was an exception and the average New Adult novel is like Thoughtless, I'm jumping ship.

0 stars!

 

What am I reading next?: Rockoholic by C.J. Skuse

Awake at Dawn by C.C. Hunter

Title: Awake at Dawn
Author: C.C. Hunter
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Release Date: October 11, 2011
Pages: 383 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.
Purchase: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

From the moment Kylie Galen arrived at Shadow Falls Camp, she's had one burning question: What am I? Surrounded by vampires, werewolves, shape-shifters, fairies, and witches, Kylie longs to figure out her own supernatural identity... and what her burgeoning powers mean. And now she'll need them more than ever, because she's being haunted by a new spirit who insists that someone Kylie knows--and loves--will die before the end of the summer. If only she knew who she was supposed to save. And how.

But giving Kylie the most trouble is her aching heart. Gorgeous werewolf Lucas left camp with another girl, but he's still visiting Kylie in her dreams. And Derek, a sexy half Fae who's always been there for her when she needed him, is pushing her to get more serious--and growing impatient, especially when Lucas returns. Kylie knows she needs to decide between the boys, and it's tearing her up inside.

Yet romance will have to wait, because something from the dark side of the supernatural world is in hiding in Shadow Falls. It's about to threaten everything Kylie holds dear... and bring her closer to her destiny.

Review:

Upon starting Awake at Dawn, I begged it to not to be as bad as Born at Midnight was. My feelings about Born at Midnight can hardly be spoken of. Because I am being punished, it ended up being just as bad as the first book. The few improvements made are not enough to make it any less offensive. I apologize for the long review ahead of time, but there was a lot of stuff I needed to discuss.

In some ways, Awake at Dawn was an improvement on its disastrous series starter. The slut shaming that so deeply permeated Born at Midnight was noticeably absent and I was happy to see it gone, let me tell you (but I would have been happier if the whole "mean girl love rival" trope went with it). Where I had two and a half pages of notebook paper filled, front and back, with notes and rants about Born at Midnight, my notes/rants for this book barely topped one and a half.

The two books share numerous flaws and end up more similar in those respects. A plot is still nowhere to be found; most of it is romance drama and girls talking about their boobs. I wish that were an exaggeration. Juvenile, faintly condescending writing made it hard to read for long stretches of time because all the freakin's, friggin's, and oh crappers did the riverdance on my last nerve while wearing cleats. Quotes like

"Anything?" Kylie asked, not wanting to be the odd duck anymore.

"No. You're still tight as a drum. Any luck reading anyone?"

"No. Maybe I'm a supernatural retard." (52)

and

"Kylie stormed into Holiday's office. She dropped down in the seat across from the desk and looked her friend and camp leader right in the eyes. "I hate boys. I'm seriously considered going lesbian." (126)

perpetuate ugly stereotypes at best and are blatantly offensive at worst. Don't even get me started on the unfortunate implications of giving cancer to a girl who got unfairly maligned for much of the last book just because she had sex and had a pregnancy crisis.

Kylie is still an unbearable, judgmental brat the novel tries to characterize as an angel in need of devoted followers when she's more akin to a demon. (That was actually my guess at her supernatural identity at one point, but I changed my mind. More on that later.) She can't pay attention for her life, she's disrespectful to her friends, and she doesn't know how to take her own medicine like a big girl. Her double standards about how she can friendzone and avoid someone but they can't do the same to her can go in the trash can over there.

Then comes the point where Kylie and her roommates notice that Kylie, a sixteen-year-old girl, has gone up a cup size, gained half a shoe size, and grown an inch taller seemingly overnight. What do they think is the cause? Magic! Puberty? What's that? They never even bring it up. The growth of a sixteen-year-old girl's body can only be contributed to supernatural magic.

This is the exact point at which I cracked. Completely lost it, really. I put the book down and started laughing in the way you only hear from broken people.

Is there no sex education in this fictional Texas? Did Kylie not have to sit through the puberty and sex education videos in fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh grades the way I had to? I can't believe the idea of puberty making her grow wouldn't occur to her even once. Thanks to this, all arguments about Kylie being an intelligent life form will forever be rendered null and void.

And for some reason, these girls are all obsessed with Holiday's love/sex life. They do not know how she feels about Burnett and they do not get to decide how she feels about him, nor do they get a say in whether or not she has sex with him or needs to. It's her business and these brats can get their noses out of it. I have miniature rants in my notebook stemming from this situation alone, and it gets even longer if you add in the Miranda/Perry/Kevin dramarama. That their meddling and Kylie's repulsive behavior are consistently justified by the narrative drove me up the wall.

So Kylie: what is she? My original guess was that she was a demon, seeing as that would explain why she is such a terrible person. As I read further into the novel, I changed my mind. She is either

A) A chimera-thing created with the intent to kill everyone, or
B) A clone of Anita Blake thrown into Texas so they and similar Mary Sues could take over the fictional world. So what if Kylie is a blonde teenager? That's just to throw off suspicions.

And her love interests the book spends most of its time on? I don't like either of them. Derek lost me with his pervertedness and his sweat that "smelled a little like sunshine (118)". Sunshine doesn't have a scent to begin with and no boy is going to smell good when sweaty unless perfume in involved. Lucas is turning into the epitome of the creepy Nice Guy, the one who befriends a girl and tries to make her feel like she owes him for being such a nice guy to her. That's all I have to say about that. For a book that is ninety-seven percent romance, three percent other, I have surprisingly little to say about the central romance.

Taken at Dusk is in my possession and I'll be reading it too just because I managed to get a copy, but I need something good and fluffy first. One of these days, my own nature is going to be my downfall.

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: Forgiven by Jana Oliver

Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

Title: Clockwork Angel
Author: Cassandra Clare
Publisher: Simon & Schuster/Margaret K. McElderry
Release Date: August 31, 2010
Pages: 476 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

Magic is dangerous--but love is more dangerous still.

When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray crosses the ocean to find her brother, her destination is England, the time is the reign of Queen Victoria, and something terrifying is waiting for her in London's Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Only the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons, keep order amidst the chaos.

Kidnapped by the mysterious Dark Sisters, members of a secret organization called The Pandemonium Club, Tessa soon learns that she herself is a Downworlder with a rare ability: the power to transform, at will, into another person. What's more, the Magister, the shadowy figure who runs the Club, will stop at nothing to claim Tessa's power for his own.

Friendless and hunted, Tessa takes refuge with the Shadowhunters of the London Institute, who swear to find her brother if she will use her power to help them. She soon finds herself fascinated by--and torn between--two best friends: James, whose fragile beauty hides a deadly secret, and blue-eyed Will, whose caustic wit and volatile moods keep everyone in his life at arm's length...everyone, that is, but Tessa. As their search draws them deep into the heart of an arcane plot that threatens to destroy the Shadowhunters, Tessa realizes that she may need to choose between saving her brother and helping her new friends save the world...and that love may be the most dangerous magic of all.

Review:

Despite my personal feelings on the author, I read Clockwork Angel to answer two questions I posed to myself:

1. Does Cassandra Clare actually have talent?
2. Could possibly enjoy one of her novels if I put my feelings about her aside?

The answer was "no" to both questions for me. I'll explain why.

I detested City of Bones when I read it; Jace was a jerk, Clary was annoying, the book was badly paced, and it was also badly written. I gave it back to the friend who loaned it to me after just half the book and have not read another word of the book in the three years since then. So why, then, would I like reading a novel that takes these characters, gives them a superficial makeover, and drops them in Victorian London?

They may have different names and different descriptions, but these are the same personalities I've already seen and disliked in the other series. The plain-but-actually-pretty girl who delves deeper into the world of the Shadowhunters in order to find her missing relative, falling in love with a Shadowhunter in the meanwhile and discovering she can't be with him the way she wants to--that could be both Tessa and Clary. The jerkish male with an ego the size of a planet, an infinite store of stupid one-liners, a tortured past, and a propensity for treating the people he loves like crap--both Will and Jace fit this.

Well, I'll take back some of it for Will. Honestly, Will is worse than Jace because he sounds like a boy from the twenty-first century, not anyone from Victorian London. They're both jerks who need to go fuck themselves despite their tortured pasts, but at least one of them isn't anachronistic. I'm supposed to think the things Will says about Six-Fingered Nigel and others are funny, but my reaction was more like, "...That was stupid." A lot of things about this book are stupid, really.

The pacing issue I had with City of Bones showed up in Clockwork Angel too. For the first one-hundred fifty pages, I gave it an honest shot and forced myself to read it like I would any other novel. Then I skimmed the next two-hundred seventy pages or so because absolutely nothing was happening. One we got to the last fifty pages, I read again, and then the book was over.

Something Tessa thinks later in the novel concerns me: "Will cared for her, she was sure of it. Yes, he had been rude to her almost since he had met her, but then, that happened in novels all the time (Clockwork Angel, p. 454)." She then goes on to compare her situation to how Mr. Darcy was rude to Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice and how Heathcliff was rude to Cathy in Wuthering Heights.

I have not had the opportunity to read either classic yet, but I've heard often that Mr. Darcy had no idea he was being rude and eventually shaped up. Heathcliff and Cathy? Anyone who aspires to have a romance like theirs is off their rocker. Heathcliff and Cathy's "romance" was not healthy. I don't need to read the book to figure that out. Research is all I need.

I felt bad for Tessa just then. She might have been an uninteresting blank slate of a character, but she didn't deserve being under the delusion that anyone who could only be rude to her and treat her horribly was worth her time and romantic attentions. This is something a number of women throughout the real world are under the impression of because of books like this and I feel sorry for all of them too. If someone can't figure out how not to be a jerk to a person they like, they're both better off with someone else and the jerk has some growing up to do.

There was one interesting thing about this book, but it is exclusive to my copy of the novel and has nothing to do with Clockwork Angel itself. My copy came from my favorite used bookstore and the previous owner wrote in parts of the novel. Names, numbers, diary entries, details of how she (the previous owner) lost three people in two weeks,... One of them died with injuries including a fractured skull, internal bleeding, a broken spine, and two broken arms. I resisted the temptation to use this information for evil and was sad to see the notes stop after the seventh chapter or so. Whoever the previous owner is, I wish I could have met her.

And so went my attempt to read a Cassandra Clare novel honestly and with as little bias as possible. If you ever see me try to read another one of her novels, you are hereby given full permission to smack me across the face. Hm? You can't do that because you're across the Internet from me? You also have full permission to break the laws of nature in order to smack me across the face.

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: Darkness Becomes Her by Kelly Keaton

Ignite by Kaitlyn Davis

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2012 treats you well both lifewise and bookwise. Unfortunately, my year in books has... To say the least, it has not started off well.

Title: Ignite
Author: Kaitlyn Davis
Publisher: Kaitlyn Davis (self-published)
Release Date: October 9, 2011
Pages: 207 pages (according to Amazon estimate; Ignite is only available in ebook format)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

"With one last look, one final search of the lines of his face for some sign, Kira turned and ran away from the sound of the man she loved laughing in the face of her death."

When Kira Dawson moves to South Carolina, she meets Luke, a blond goofball who quickly becomes her best friend, and Tristan, a mysterious bad boy who sends shivers down her spine. Kira knows they're keeping secrets, but when she discovers Tristan's lust for blood and her own dormant mystical powers, Kira is forced to fight for her life and make the heartbreaking decision between the familiar comfort of friendship and the fiery passion of love.

Review:

Unable to afford staying at the boarding school she attended in New York, Kira is back home in South Carolina for high school. On her first day there, she meets and immediately becomes friends with Luke and develops a fascination for Tristan, one of the misfits Luke seems to have something against. As Kira and Tristan slowly grow closer, the secrets they keep come out in the open: what Tristan is, what Kira can do, and the threat each presents to the other. Will they be able to make it work or will their adversarial natures win out?

Most of the characters simply fell flat, but Kira was difficult to like and I never completely came around to her. What was there for me to like? Thieves who act entitled to what they stole are not fun to read about, nor do I care to read about characters who come off as terrible friends but seem like they're supposed to be seen as good friends. Everything is so convenient for her, almost to the point of becoming a deus ex machina, that it robs all obstacles in her way of conflict.

Even after finishing the novel and thinking it over, I lack an understanding of what drew Kira and Tristan together in the first place or what they see in each other. The grand, genuine connection they're supposed to have feels more like insta-love. One of the grand flaws of the novel is its lack of genuine connections between any of the characters. I didn't believe for a second Kira was truly friends with any of her "friends" and I felt the same way about her relationship with her family.

I'll cut to the chase: In regards to the writing, this is an insult, not a book. When I read a novel, I expect it to demonstrate a mastery of basic grammar, word usage, and punctuation in whatever language I'm reading it in. This is supposed to be a final copy of Ignite, meaning it should be the absolute best it can be, but there is nothing that can convince me anything more than the bare minimum effort required was put into this novel. Being self-published is no excuse. If I were an editor, I would never take something of this quality. Cheating at narration, horrible syntax, overly blatant foreshadowing,... It hits all my pet peeves at a reader.

Ignite follows the same basic YA paranormal romance formula and feels heavily derivative of more popular works. I've seen a lot of formulaic YA around; I'm not much for such books anyway, but at least most of them have a feeling of life to them, like someone really believed in that story. For all the forbidden romance and conflict Kira is supposed to have, I felt no life or passion from it. It does try to be a little original at times and that is appreciated, but they aren't necessarily good tries. The "channeling the sun" business still makes me spare a giggle or two when I think about it.

One of the problems with formulaic YA is that the same problematic elements tend to carry over without comment or examination and I'm sad to say that problem happens here too. Some of Tristan's behavior comes off as creepy, mean, and downright scary, but he is supposed to be attractive. I do not find it sexy or remotely appealing when the love interest creeps me out and the main character openly admits he is scaring her. Romanticizing such behavior is one thing I wish YA could stop doing.

This is a small secret of mine, but vampire novels have an advantage with me as a reader. I survived the flood of vampire YA in recent years and still love the monsters of the night dearly. Not only am I a big vampire fan, I'm a nostalgic one too--remind me of one of two kinds of vampires and you have me. Even with a handicap in its favor, Ignite failed to win me due to its lack of genuine connections between characters, formulaic and derivative storyline, and the apparent lack of effort put into it. When I pay for a book, I expect to read a book, not a first draft.

0 stars!

What am I reading next? The Sharp Time by Mary O'Connell

Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatrick

Title: Crescendo
Author: Becca Fitzpatrick
Publisher: Simon & Schuster/Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing
Release Date: October 19, 2010
Pages: 427 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: Read it on my Kindle

Nora Grey's life is still far from perfect. Surviving an attempt on her life wasn't pleasant, but at least she got a guardian angel out of it: a mysterious, magnetic, gorgeous guardian angel. But, despite his role in her life, Patch has been acting anything but angelic. He's more elusive than ever and even worse, he's started spending time with Nora's arch-enemy, Marcie Millar.

Nora would have hardly noticed Scott Parnell, an old family friend who has moved back to town, if Patch hadn't been acting so distant. Even with Scott's totally infuriating attitude Nora finds herself drawn to him - despite her lingering feeling that he's hiding something.

Haunted by images of her murdered father, and questioning whether her Nephilim bloodline has anything to do with his death, Nora puts herself increasingly in dangerous situations as she desperately searches for answers. But maybe some things are better left buried, because the truth could destroy everything - and everyone - she trusts.

Review:

Oh, Crescendo. I always told myself I wouldn't read it, but I wanted so badly to join in my friends' discussions of the many problematic elements of this series. If they could suffer through it, why couldn't I? (And maybe just a little bit of it was my contrary nature responding to the "Be Nice" BS But only a little.) I couldn't do that without reading all the books currently available, so into Crescendo I dove. I regret this. I regret every minute wasted on it.

This series is discussed enough for its problematic content, but it really gets kicked up a notch in this book. A scene late in the book where people just stand around and laugh at Nora when she's trying to get away from Scott made me want a trash can. It troubles me that the word "no" does not seem to exist in this series, as Nora can only ever come up with excuses not to do something with a guy, which will lead to him trying again later in hopes of there not being an excuse anymore, instead of giving him a flat-out no.

Nora. Oh, Nora. I thought I hated this brainless, immature, slut shaming, unapologetic, overly angsty monster of a human being in the first book, but she's five times worse in Crescendo. She goes full-blown psychotic on everyone. Breaking into people's houses multiple times, considering suicide over Patch not being with her anymore, indirectly and directly calling Marcie a slut more often than she can come up with a coherent thought of her own,... And this is our main character who, if my reading of the text is correct, we are supposed to support despite--no, because of--her actions. She takes a sledgehammer to the lives of everyone she knows while trying to get her happy ending and I don't see why I'm supposed to like her.

Just when I thought Patch couldn't get any worse, he did. The way he jerked Nora back and forth, pushing her away one minute and pulling her back in the next so they could make out, disgusted me and almost made me feel sorry for Nora that she's trapped in such a toxic dynamic with this man. How the reader is expected to view Patch gave me a nasty case of whiplash. In the first book, we're supposed to find his innuendos, controlling behavior, manhandling, and general asshattery romantic and sexy. Now we're supposed to hate him for it? Which one is it? I hated him in both books, but this case of mixed messages reveals exactly what is wrong with Patch's character.

I am not always the most grammatically correct person on the Internet, and I get even less sensible in the real world because verbal communication is difficult for me, but Crescendo often makes less sense than I do in either world. There are numerous sentences that read horribly despite an arguable technical correctness. For example: "She should have learned her lesson at Bo's and stayed home. And so should have I (Crescendo, 28%)." All it takes to fix a problem like this is different phrasing, but the book can't even do that much.

Inconsistent characterization for the sake of conflict is a big pet peeve. In the first book, few people objected to Nora getting close to Patch, especially not Nora's best friend Vee. Now everyone, especially Vee, is against him. One minute, Vee is boy-crazy. The next, she's 100% dedicated to her new beau Rixon. The mom is brought in simply to act as another barrier between Nora and Patch and a slew of minor characters get thrown in just to try and drum up some more conflict when it's never going to happen. Crescendo and conflict are incompatible.

Not that the book would have been good if any of those characters were more consistent. Just as it happened in the first book, the prologue gave everything away. For all the talk of the archangels, they're never actually a threat. We're constantly told the archangels are watching and breathing down Patch's neck, but he and Nora get away with so much that it makes the "threat" the archangels are supposed to pose nonexistent and makes them look like idiots. This is a disservice to the book and slander toward the archangels.

All the evidence I need to prove how unhealthy Patch and Nora's relationship is can be found in this book. Scott and Patch are undeniably the same kind of person: the bad boy who will take a girl and put her through hell. She can recognize that Scott is this kind of person and has no problem saying so, but she refuses to recognize Patch is the same way. I thought she did for one moment, but her eventual forgiveness of Patch renders that null and void. Neither of them can leave the other alone after the breakup and just when Nora feels ready to move on, Patch pulls her right back into his trap. Once again, I almost feel sorry for Nora. Close but no cigar.

The most maddening detail of their endless relationship angst? Neither party is sympathetic. Nora is downright obsessive, contradicting, and psychotic. The main difference between Patch's behavior pre- and post-breakup is that there were less innuendos post-breakup, but we're supposed to hate him for his behavior in this book when readers were supposed to find it sexy in the last book. This controlling douchecanoe of a man jerks Nora back and forth, but she's stealing from other people's homes because of him, and they both treat each other horribly. I wish both of them would die, preferably by being tortured to death by axe murderers.

And in the end, Nora forgives him. All that manhandling and controlling behavior and playing hot-and-cold with her that she hated him for when they were broken up? She forgives him for all of it. Based on my readings of Hush, Hush and Crescendo, I feel Nora only had a problem with his controlling behavior in this book because they were not together. If they had still been dating, she would have been fine with it. That this is supposed to be okay and readers are supposed to find this romantic makes me sick yet again. This book made me fill up my vomit bucket.

But I will admit one thing: This book made me cry... because it was so terrible. I also cried for Marcie. Marcie, who never had a chance as a character. Marcie, who is slut shamed at every turn while the reader is supposed to think Nora is the "good girl" (and as I elaborated earlier, Nora is anything but). Marcie, who is the closest thing to a complex, flawed character this series has but is here mainly for readers to hate by slandering her at every turn. Marcie, who is bullied and degraded more by Nora than she ever bullies Nora in return. She is not a good person, but Marcie is far more likable than Nora. Heck, I think Marcie's worst crime is having no idea what it means to be tactful--kind of like me.

Going on would be no problem because the problems in this book are endless, but twelve paragraphs is enough and I wanted to get started on the long road to healing. I was supposed to read Silence after this to continue what I lovingly dubbed the Speak Up mini-project, but I can't do it. If this one was so bad it made me cry because it was so terrible, how am I supposed to be able to survive Silence and eventually the fourth book? I can't, man. I just can't. I'm signing off and grabbing a better book.

0 stars! (And I would give it negative stars if I rated books that way.)

What am I reading next?: Ash by Malinda Lo

Torch Red: Color Me Torn by Melody Carlson

Title: Torch Red: Color Me Torn

Author: Melody Carlson
Publisher: Th1nk Books
Release Date: July 1, 2004
Pages: 196 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

Zoe is certain she's the only teenager on the planet who's still a virgin--okay, except for maybe abstinence queen Casey Renwick. The talk in the locker room makes sex sound so great--and maybe it is--but Zoe isn't so sure. The new girl in school, Shawna Frye, has done it, although she's the one girl who doesn't say much about it.

Maybe I should just do it and get it over with.

When jock-boy Justin Clark asks Zoe out, she wonders if he could finally be the one. Nate, a die-hard Christian and real friend, encourages Zoe to consider exactly what it all means before she makes a life-defining decision. Behind the scenes, Shawna's dark secret threatens to change everyone's perspective on sex. But will Zoe find out before it's too late?

Review:

Red.

It's a very bold color, one that pops out at you when viewed among other colors. Red high heels, a red dress, red lipstick--red is a color often associated with being sexual. There are many other things red can be the color of: a stop sign, fruit, fire, the strawberries I'm indulging myself with as I write this. Red is also the color of blood, which I saw plenty of while reading and after finishing Torch Red.

First and foremost, Zoe is a horrible person both pre- and post-conversion. She calls her friends tramps multiple times, judges a homeless person based on the clothes they were lucky enough to find somewhere (because gosh, can't they get to a Banana Republic and get something that isn't last year?), calls pretty much anyone who sleeps with anyone a tramp, and thinks it degrades a girl if she dares to engage in sexual activity because she wants to. (Wait, apparently, we girls never actually want sex and it's always those darn men pressuring us. Never mind.) I'm not sure how we're supposed to identify or like a heroine like her because I sure couldn't.

The side characters were unrealistic and existed as they were only to get the preachy message (a girl should save herself for message and be Christian) of the book across. Apparently, all we teenage girls talk about in the locker room is sexy sexy sex and we shun anyone who isn't wearing a thong. Some of them have the right ideas about sex in certain ways (Casey, in saying men should be responsible for their actions), others are backwards as can be (Casey again, saying a girl should save herself for marriage because her husband has the right to her virginity and she's worth less after having sex).

Every single girl in the book who had sex got the shaft. All of them. Kirsti and Thea: were mean to Zoe, lose Zoe's friendship in the end. Emily: had to get tested for an STD, later got back with the boyfriend who cheated on her multiple times and loses Zoe's friendship. Shawna: had to leave old school because she got an STD, fools around with numerous guys at her new one and eventually loses all her friends when the truth gets out. Shannon: gets kicked out after getting pregnant and has an abortion. Homeless. Great message to send: have sex and screw up your life. Despite the messages, when you have sex does not define your life.

Oh oh oh! I can't believe I nearly forgot about this! At two points, Zoe is nearly date raped and everyone is trying to blame it on her, like it's her fault someone drugged her or that her boyfriend doesn't know what the word "no" means. Hm, how about blaming the guys who drugged her/wouldn't listen to "no" instead of the victim? Doesn't that sound nice? There was even a rainbow party. A rainbow party! If you have no idea what that is, put it in a search engine and see what you get back.

I almost feel sorry for Torch Red. It wants so badly to be a meaningful book about sex, but it completely ignores what are key points for a book about sex now. First, what about gay people? What are they supposed to do? (Note: this is answered in Bright Purple, another book in Carlson's series, and the result is not pretty.) Second, what about birth control? No mention of birth control or someone using it is ever made in the novel. Teens are going to have sex, and trying to pretend birth control doesn't exist instead of teaching them how to properly use it harms them more than anyone else.

Despite one character's repeated hammering in of the message that becoming a Christian will not suddenly make the world perfect and solve all of one's problems, this message is contradicted in the end because after Zoe has her Christian awakening or whatever, everything is perfect. She tells off Justin, confesses the truth about being a virgin, and makes a bunch of new friends because of it. The purity myth indoctrination of saving oneself for marriage is once again strong and very, very wrong. We're back to reducing women to their virginity and this is Not Okay to the highest possible degree.

Even if I completely ignored the horrid messages of the book that girls who have sex are baaaaaad and wish they had saved themselves for their husbands like those righteous virgin girls like they were supposed to, this book is still an abomination to the written word. The writing would have a nice rhythm going with its sentences, just flowing along so well. And then she starts a new sentence. But it's just continuing the exact same thought from the last sentence. And it ruins the flow that was going on. This effectively drops brick walls everywhere until any whole thoughts are separated into pieces by the walls. Conjunctions =/= start a new sentence.

You know what the "I mean" verbal tic is, right? I mean it's so annoying. I mean despite its use in a sentence, it's not clarifying anything; it's just an add-on at the beginning of a sentence. I noticed at the book how often it was showing up, so I kept count for the rest of the book. 101 times in 196 pages (with a margin of error of three uses because I make mistakes too). That's how many times the "I mean" verbal tic showed up. That is one every 1.94 pages. It's not even once every other page! It appears someone didn't get the memo that it's personality and depth, not overuse of an annoying verbal tic, that makes a realistic teen character.

It can't even use proper grammar related to Christianity! I'm about as Christian as a rock you could find on the side of the road, but I know that when one talks about God, His name is capitalized as just demonstrated because He is greater or something like that. The book never does this, swiftly disrespecting Him despite being written with Him jammed in there every few pages.

Then again, what was I expecting? Torch Red was published by an international Christian organization called The Navigators all the way back in 2004, when people thought rainbow parties were OMG real and kids were having them willy-nilly. In the end, it is only propaganda meant to preach, but its sex-related messages are no less damaging and I'm not going to be quiet when I see things like this. I want YA authors and publishers to know I and many other readers are not going to stand for slut shaming and purity myth indoctrination and scare tactics against sex anymore. I'm sick of it.

As I'm sure I made a point of at the beginning of my review, red is a color that shades much, from the sexual to the everyday and mundane. Now Torch Red will meets it end in the color red. It's only fair.

And so the Zoe curse (I end up hating a book if its main character is named Zoe) holds true. This is now the fifth book to be victim to that curse. I've never had this problem with any other name, just Zoe. Hell, there's only one fictional Zoe I do like and her name technically isn't Zoe!

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson

H.Y.P.E. Project: Starcrossed by Josephine Angelini

Beware: spoilers for Starcrossed lie beyond this point.

Title: Starcrossed
Author: Josephine Angelini
Publisher: HarperCollins/HarperTeen
Release Date: May 31, 3011
Pages: 487 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Read it on my Kindle for the H.Y.P.E. Project (details here)

How do you defy destiny?

 

Helen Hamilton has spent her entire sixteen years trying to hide how different she is—no easy task on an island as small and sheltered as Nantucket. And it's getting harder. Nightmares of a desperate desert journey have Helen waking parched, only to find her sheets damaged by dirt and dust. At school she's haunted by hallucinations of three women weeping tears of blood . . . and when Helen first crosses paths with Lucas Delos, she has no way of knowing they're destined to play the leading roles in a tragedy the Fates insist on repeating throughout history.

 

As Helen unlocks the secrets of her ancestry, she realizes that some myths are more than just legend. But even demigod powers might not be enough to defy the forces that are both drawing her and Lucas together—and trying to tear them apart.

Review:

"She was hunkered down on her knees, her face covered by her filthy hair, moaning names and saying "blood for blood" as she hit her forehead repeatedly against the wall." This is a quote from Starcrossed (the page can't be cited due to reading it as an ebook) about one of the Furies, but this is also an accurate description of me once I finished reading this book.

For sixteen years, Helen has lived on the calm, small, and very boring island of Nantucket and wished she could go somewhere else. Then Lucas Delos and his family moved to town, and Helen introduced herself to them by attempting to kill Lucas in the middle of school. According to Lucas and his family, they and Helen are Scions, demigod descendants of the Greek gods, and the Furies are forcing to play roles they have forced on others throughout history. Helen and Lucas have broken one part of the cycle of blood for blood, but they will still be forced to play the starcrossed lovers.

Characters

Not very good. Helen is surprisingly stupid for how smart she supposedly is (telling the reader about a character is bad due to contradictory characterization like this) and a massive Mary Sue the likes of which I have not seen in a long time. All the descriptions of how beautiful, talented, perfect, and flawless she was made me want to puke. I would like to see Lucas put through a shredder. Wait, Helen isn't the only one with the Idiot Ball; everyone has a personal Idiot Ball they carry at all times and clutch like pearls toward the end of the novel, when Daphne comes in and everyone believes her despite her being who she is. Otherwise, the characters are unremarkable.

Plot/Pacing

While the novel does have a plot and is generally well-paced (by this, I mean the reader doesn't have to wait until they are three-fourths through the lengthy novel to find out what is going on), it still manages to be boring. The plot and pacing, as derivative as they are (and not of The Illiad and Romeo and Juliet, the two works that inspired this novel), would have earned the novel another star if not for the outstanding sexism and misogyny detailed in the next section.

Themes/Conflicts

This has to be one of the most sexist pieces of trash I have ever read, if not the most sexist piece of trash. Helen has no say in her relationship with Lucas; she is subject to his whims and the boundaries and terms of their relationship are solely defined by him. It's all about what he wants and what he can handle and nothing she ever says is taken into account. It is always up to him to impose control on Helen so she won't tempt him because everything she does tempts him, and she has to stop tempting him or else bad things will happen. It's always the woman's fault because she tempted men into doing it, you see.

Lucas never puts any trust in Helen and will not let her be in control of her own sexuality. He even makes all of her decisions (with only minor, temporary objections from Helen)! I won't even go into the implications of needing to destroy a feminine object of power to free men from their lust. I have lot to say about "A lady never cheapened herself by using foul language" and most of them begin with a word starting with f. No lady is any less of a lady for cursing and sexist rhetoric like this really grinds my gears.

This quote is telling of the novel:

""She hasn't been feeling well," he explained to Castor, who looked on with sympathy.

""I have a daughter," Castor replied gently as if that explained everything."

However it is meant, that is not a joke. That is flat-out misogyny and it only gets worse throughout the novel.

Writing

The stuff of my nightmares. It tells the reader absolutely everything, especially if it's as unimportant as what car the teacher drives or that a one-off nameless character has a leather fetish. It seems like a Herculean task for it to show the reader something or stay on-task. The imagery is atrocious and the narration is constantly cheating. It's one thing to change to another character's point of view for a chapter because it's important to the plot; it's another thing to do it for exactly one paragraph or even sentence or when it has no importance in any possible way. Even the action scenes were made boring thanks to the info-dump heavy, clunky writing.

Logic

There is one thing that can't even be called a plot hole or hole in logic; the only proper term for it is a brain fart. Close to the end, Helen and Lucas decide they can't be together because they're first cousins. This would pass me by without comment (I am unbothered by first cousins being together) if it weren't for the fact that marrying your first cousin is legal in Massachusetts, where Nantucket is located. In Spain, where Lucas's family comes from, it is legal to marry your first cousin. Finally, the ancient Greeks Helen and Lucas are descended from practiced--guess what?--first-cousin marriage.

They are not cousins after all (I suppose someone said there couldn't be any genuine conflict in the novel), but the point is that at the end of the novel, they believe they are. Someone should have done their research because if it's supposed to be a conflict of some sort, it shouldn't be legal from every possible angle. There is the social unpopularity to consider, but Lucas and Helen don't seem like the type that would let that stop them. When you're truly in love, public opinion no longer matters.

Was it worth the hype?

As many did, I heard about it when Angelini received a seven-figure advance for the trilogy Starcrossed is the beginning of. Even then, I took issue with the novel; its sexist pitch of being "Percy Jackson for teenage girls" told me this would not be the book for me (my thoughts on the pitch are better explained here). Alas, the H.Y.P.E. Project is about hyped books and such a massive advance gave Starcrossed a lot of hype, so I read it anyway. I do not always make smart decisions, as you can see.

It is wonderful that Angelini's advance got her out of a rough situation, but I do not believe, based on what I have read, that the trilogy will be worth the advance it got or recoup all the money spent on it. The novel is most certainly not worth the hype. I will not be reading the next installments, but I do hope there is not a happy ending. Star-crossed, as you know, means ill-fated. Star-crossed people do not have a happy ending and if Lucas and Helen end up with a happy ending, we have another case of people not knowing how to use words correctly.

Bonus cover section

Pictures of it you see on the Internet, such as the one I used above, are very plain and don't seem likely to catch the eye, but they're slightly more noticeable in real life, such as if you see them in a bookstore. They have a certain metallic shine to them that catches light well, effectively making it a noticeable cover despite how truly plain it is. I take issue with Lauren Kate's author blurb on the cover, though; YA novels in general should not be allowed to use starcrossed and saga, among other words, until they learn how to use them correctly.

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: dancergirl by Carol M. Tanzman

H.Y.P.E. Project: Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

Title: Hush, Hush

Author: Becca Fitzpatrick

Publisher: Simon & Schuster/ Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing

Release Date: October 13, 2009

Pages: 391 pages (paperback)

How I Got the Book: Bought and read it for the H.Y.P.E. Project (details here)

When Nora and Patch are forced together as lab partners, Nora would rather fall to her death than put up with his elusive answers to her questions, his teasing, and his infuriatingly handsome face and hypnotizing eyes. It seems Patch was put on earth just to drive her crazy.

But before long, Nora's defenses begin to break down as her curiosity about Patch heats up. Why does he always seem to be wherever she is and know exactly what she's thinking? How does he know what to say to both attract and repulse her? And what is up with those V-shaped scars on his chiseled back?

As their connection grows stronger, Nora's own life becomes increasingly fragile. Nora needs to decide: Is Patch the one who wants to do her harm of the one who will keep her safe? Has she fallen for one of the fallen?

Becca Fitzpatrick's New York Times bestselling debut is a page-turning leap into the unknown world of fallen angels. Do you have someone to catch you?

Review:

Something is off about Patch Cipriano and his unfortunate new biology partner Nora Grey is determined to find out what's it is. She can tell there's something more going on behind that pretty face and those demeaning remarks of his. In her investigation, she comes to find herself attracted to him and she could quite possibly be falling in love with him, but could what she's finding be true? Could Patch really be a fallen angel out to kill her (and maybe Vee too, but who cares about her?)? If it is, it doesn't look like he's the only one who wants to see Nora dead. Strange things are happening and only some of them are in her head.

Characters

Characterization is thin and calling them two-dimensional is an insult to the term. Nora seems to lack any brains and my I've no doubt she is mentally unstable; if she thinks faking a bomb threat to get Patch's file is okay because she's his biology partner, something is wrong. The only person I can stand is Marcie Millar, the classic mean girl (who apparently becomes a love rival in the second book or something; I've got no plans to read it, so I don't know all the details), but she is busy being slut-shamed and made the butt of a thousand jokes. Being mean makes her a bad person, not being flirtatious or sexual. Got that, book? Okay.

Two characters in the cast stand out for the wrong reasons. Vee may be the worst best friend I've ever had the displeasure to know in both fiction and real life, and I've had a terrible best friend of my own (but that's another story). She makes excuses for a guy who threatened her "best friend" Nora, abandons Nora, and pressures Nora to be with a guy she does not like, among other things. She is the second-worst character in this book.

The worst? Patch Cipriano. His behavior is disgusting, borderline abusive, and the sort of behavior parents tell their children to watch out for because it could turn into a toxic or abusive relationship. When the heroine is genuinely afraid of her love interest and thinks he might rape her (and there were plenty of moments where it seemed like he would do just that) as in Hush, Hush, the love interest is on my blacklist. There's being a bad boy or anti-hero (which requires redeeming traits) and then there's being a borderline rapist, which Patch is. He's the polar opposite of sexy.

Pacing/Plot

The pacing and plot are disjointed. This is about how the novel goes: Nora and Patch are falling in love (personally, I think they're falling in lust, which would be fine if it weren't being passed off as love when the two are very different), a creepy event or two happens once in a while, Nora and Patch fall in love some more, more creepy things, rotate between the two and add in liberal amounts of  disgusting behavior by Patch added where needed, big reveal, sudden reveal of villains, an almost-sex break, climactic scene, and end on a sappy note. That is Hush, Hush in a nutshell, only it's far less interesting.

Themes/Conflicts

Hush, Hush competes with only one other novel for the award of Worst Themes. According to this book, it is okay for a boy to humiliate, threaten, dismiss, and treat a girl badly because that just makes him a sexy bad boy. This is probably only okay when the guy is as insanely hot as Patch is supposed to be (I don't find him hot; I find that when a guy has a personality as pleasant as the smell of dog crap, it becomes impossible to appreciate how hot they are) because if it were a plain or ugly guy doing it, it would be Not Okay. Nora never has any true conflict to deal with and the book's conflict isn't genuine.

What I hate most about this book is how its themes help glorify creepy, pseudo-rapist behavior through Nora's initial weak rejection and ultimate unconditional acceptance of the way Patch treats her (which does not change throughout the entire novel). His behavior is horrifying and the people who instead call it flattering are often the people who say I should be flattered at all the awful, creepy things guys have said and done to me over the years when I didn't want them behaving like that towards me and made it clear.

There are simply so many offensive ideas and phrases within the book, such as the heavy reinforcing of rape culture, but I don't have the space or time to cover them all.

Writing

Painful. Description is often bad or repetitive and there appears to be no such thing as subtlety because hints are like a bag of bricks to the head each time they pop up. Then it gets lazy for the sake of plot convenience when the symptoms of a concussion, such as difficulty or unwillingness to talk due to the injury, are waved off so Vee can testify to Nora about her attacker and when Vee gets out of the hospital far quicker than someone in her condition would, or when Elliot is identified in a news story as someone questioned in the death of another student. I don't need to be a three-year journalism student to know no news service would identify a minor if they had only been questioned. Charged or convicted? Often, yes. Questioned? No.

There is also one offensive issue regarding word choice that I would like to bring up. Vee, an overweight character, is described as "voluptuous" multiple times. Right now, the United States (where the book is set and where I, the author, and countless fans live) is experiencing a problem with obesity and there are multiple campaigns against it. What comes to mind when you think of "voluptuous" women? Personally, I think of women with large breasts, usually thin waists, and sometimes large butts. At one time, it was used to describe more than women with that figure, but that is what it's used to describe most often now.

Vee is clearly not this body type from her description and the book creeps around describing her as overweight or fat. The creeping around is bad enough because of how much it reveals about what Nora really thinks of Vee, but the I don't appreciate that women with that sort of figure (hourglass figure, right?) are indirectly being called fat. Nine times out of ten, they can't control their figure that easily; losing weight won't make their breasts any smaller in most cases because it's genetic. This is the author's problem now, not the book's. If there's anything the author can control, it's the specific word choice.

Logic

Almost nonexistent. Why would an entire class as important as biology be axed over sex ed? More likely, the teaching guidelines would be changed to exclude sex ed. No teacher would ever allow one student to humiliate another the way Patch humiliated Nora and if they did, they wouldn't get away with it. Then there's what happened due to the lazy writing, discussed in the writing section. The biggest fart in logic may be, as I said earlier, how in the world Nora falls in love with Patch when he treats her so terribly. Someone can make you feel tingly all over and make you want to screw them, but that doesn't always mean you're in love. That's lust, a separate entity from love, and that's what's really between Nora and Patch.

I may not be a mother, but I am baffled and horrified at the behavior of Nora's mother. Just a year after the murder of her husband, Nora's mom has a job that takes her far away from her daughter for long periods of time and they appear to have very little contact with one another. Shouldn't she be getting closer, not farther away? I speak from personal experience on that. Honestly, there were so many farts in logic, writing, characterization, and everything else that I couldn't find the words a few times and could only write squiggles in the book.

Was it worth the hype?

The hype that this book is sexy, dark, has the sexiest hunk of man/fallen angel to grace the pages of a book, romantic, and great? Absolutely not.

The hype that this book is terrible, infuriating, boring, anti-feminist, provides the world with both one of the worst best friends/friendships to grace the pages of a book and the worst love interest to exist in any media, and is most likely the most reprehensible YA novel to be published in recent memory? Without a doubt, yes. I wouldn't wish this book on my worst enemy.

Bonus cover section

This may be the best part of the book: its cover. While the color scheme has difficulty standing out, the image is striking and can easily catch the eye of someone passing by in a bookstore (which I tested out and confirmed last time I visited a bookstore). However, it immediately gives away what the book is about and if a passing reader decides to buy the book and read it, they will probably become frustrated that it takes Nora so long (about 250 pages) to figure out what Patch is when they knew before they even began reading.

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev

Hades by Alexandra Adornetto

Title: Hades
Author: Alexandra Adornetto
Publisher: Macmillan/Feiwel & Friends
Release Date: August 30, 2011
Pages: 422 pages (hardback)
How I Got the Book: Amazon Vine-provided ARC

Even the love of her boyfriend, Xavier Woods, and her siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, can't keep the angel Bethany Church from being tricked into a motorcycle ride that ends up in Hell. There, Jake Thorn bargains for Beth's release back to Earth. But what he asks of her will destroy her, and quite possibly, her loved ones. Can he be trusted in this wager?

Alexandra Adornetto's Hades has it all--good and evil, angels and demons, romance and heartbreak.

Review:

Almost six months after Halo, Bethany and her boyfriend Xavier are preparing to graduate from high school and go to college. Jake is freed from Hell after some fun with Ouija boards at a Halloween party goes wrong and he easily tricks Bethany into going to Hell with him. Bethany finds herself miserable, but the Lake of Dreams provides a way to see how Xavier, Gabriel, and Ivy are faring. While they try and find a way to break Beth out of the prison called Hell, Jake is working his hardest to seduce Bethany because if he gets his way, she's staying in Hell as his princess.

I can sum up why I felt the way I did about this book in two quick points:

• Bethany uses a Ouija board. Again, an angel of God uses a Ouija board, a very powerful and dangerous occult item.
• If Bethany had applied any logical thought to the situation, she could have avoided being tricked and taken to Hell. Everything about the situation, from how they left on foot but came back with a motorcycle to the person's admittance of drinking, should have made Bethany wary of riding with them. It didn't.

This was an error in the ARC that didn't make it into the final copy, but it was such a gem that I want to make sure people know it was there: Jake steps on the gas pedal of his motorcycle at one point. Motorcycles have throttle on the right handlebar that you twist, not gas pedals. Adornetto's lack of experience and inability to do research show, but this no longer counts toward the book's rating.

Are you still unconvinced and feel I need to go more in-depth? Keep reading.

The characters remain nearly unchanged. Bethany has me convinced a side effect of an angel so young coming to Earth is that her brain didn't come with her. Xavier is still a bland love interest with shades of controlling and Jake is still a failure in every corner as a villain. Ivy takes a level in badass and Gabriel manages to change a little too. Molly's growth or likability is debatable, but her dramatics later in the book didn't endear her to me. New characters such as mean girl demon Asia and friendly demons Tucker and Hanna are flat too. Even Lucifer, the legendary fallen angel of legend, falls flat and is unconvincing as someone charismatic enough to make other angels turn against God.

There is a noticeable lack of research and there are discontinuities between Halo and Hades that desperately need correction before final publication. In Halo, Xavier was school captain and there were rugby players; in Hades, he's the class president (the US term for school captain, the latter being what it's called in the author's native country Australia) and they now play football instead of rugby. The motorcycle gas pedal gaffe is another example, and I could go on.

In fact, I will because a lot of the inaccuracies have to do with myths. As far as I know (and supported by one of the BFFs), a third of the angels in Heaven fell with Lucifer. In Hades, only eight fell, which is directly stated because of its importance in the worldbuilding. There were more than twenty-four angels in Heaven in the beginning, I'm sure The river Lethe makes you forget everything, not just the bad deeds you did, and of all the fallen angels to make an Original and a prince of one of Hell's nine circles, Arakiel isn't a good choice. Try Semyaza, leader of the Watchers and Arakiel's superior. (Thanks and credit go to Kira for teaching me that.)

This is a pet peeve and it had no bearing at all on my rating, but I was disappointed at how little research was done into the setting too. Venus Cove is stated as being in the coastal county of Sherbrooke County, Georgia. Sherbrooke County does not exist, but there are approximately 18 coastal counties in the state of Georgia. Maybe this bothers me because I'm a Georgia-born girl and I would like to see my home state get a more accurate spotlight put on it (or maybe the book could just not be set in Georgia at all; that would be nice).

Bethany and Xavier's relationship remains unhealthy as they continue to focus on one another's physical attributes instead of their personalities. Bonus: They both creepily take a whiff of each other's clothing before they go to bed. This book somehow made me more confused as to what they see in one another. Bethany sees how snappish and moody Xavier gets when under pressure and never considers that if she stays with him, she would be the target of his misdirected ire. And there's a chapter early in the book that lacks any significance to the story as a whole; it reads like a "screw you!" from author to reader specifically written for that purpose.

Did you hate how Bethany let Xavier protect and save her instead of trying to protect and save herself? It gets no better. In all her time in Hell, she makes one escape attempt. And of all the reasons one could come up with for wanting to get out of Hell (because it's a terrible place, or because demons are either trying to sex her up (consent optional) or kill her), she wants to leave because she needs her boyfriend fix. She flat-out admits she was content to wait to be rescued. Quotes would be given, but I can't because it's an ARC. In the end, she still ends up the damsel, being saved by others once again and literally hiding behind her rescuers during the climactic scene. We get some purity myth indoctrination too about being worth less or less lovable if you have sex, but I'm not even getting into that. This review is long enough as it is.

Because Bethie isn't around on Earth to narrate what's going on with them, we have the Lake of Dreams plot device, which allows someone who drinks from it to see what their heart most desires and lets Bethany narrate what's going on elsewhere. Someone told me that it could be used for psychological torture when I thought the Lake of Dreams was ridiculous, and that's a valid point. But why isn't it ever discussed as though it were once or still being used for psychological torture? Then we get another dose of deus ex machina where, if Bethany had just done that earlier in the book, so many pages could have been cut from a book that both is long and feels long.

Adornetto's vision of Hell is hopelessly muddled and contradictory. The world she built in Halo and Hades is heavily rooted in the Bible and Christianity. In those, Hell is a place of punishment not only for the humans that sinned while alive and did not gain or attempt to gain forgiveness, but also for Lucifer and the angels that followed him in his rebellion against God. In Hades, Hell is appropriately hellish in one part of it, where the human souls are tortured, but then there are nightclubs and high-class hotels for the demons, undermining what Hell is all about.

Hades. Is. Not. Hell. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Hades is sometimes used to refer to the Greek Underworld, though it is also the name of the god of the Underworld. All souls, good or bad, went to Hades and were then sorted into afterlives appropriately depending on whether the humans were good or bad while alive. The Christian Hell is a place of punishment for the fallen angels and sinful humans, as stated previously. The two are so radically different that trying to call the Hell within this book Hades is irritating because the two are not interchangeable. The attempts at blending the two into one realm, along with the parallels and allusions to the myth of Persephone, didn't work out.

The writing is still as atrocious as it ever was, maybe even more so in ARC form. There is repetitive description and wording (I will scream the next time I see "I know" in a book because it was used that much in Hades), purple prose, unnecessary description to bog down the pacing and scenes, numerous instances of cheating at narration (Bethany talks about how other characters feel or think when she has no way to know that), and one scene so badly worded that I had to reread it two more times to figure out what happened. The narration-cheating gets significantly worse during segments concentrating on Xavier and co.

But I will give some credit where it is due: Hades is an improvement, however slight I feel it is, on Halo. There was an exorcism scene late in Hades that was somewhat enjoyable and the plot took center stage fairly early in the book; I didn't have to wade through seemingly endless amounts of useless fluff to get to the plot like I did with Halo. Little details such as these weren't anywhere near close enough to countering the many problems within Hades, sadly.

I made the bad decision to read Halo, I made another bad decision to read Hades, but nothing short of having my dreams served to me on a silver platter with no strings attached and no possible way for it to backfire on me will get me to read Heaven. Not even to finish the series. Not even to entertain a few friends. I don't recommend starting this series at all, let alone reading Hades. Now I'm going to go watch two hours of Tokyo Mew Mew because when my brain needs relief, good-cheesy magical girl anime is the solution.

0 stars!

What am I reading next?: The Ghost and the Goth by Stacey Kade

H.Y.P.E. Project: Halo by Alexandra Adornetto

Title: Halo
Author: Alexandra Adornetto
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
Release Date: August 31, 2010
Pages: 496 pages (hardback)

How I Got the Book: Got it on my Kindle for the H.Y.P.E. Project (details here)

Nothing much happens in the sleepy town of Venus Cove. But everything changes when three angels are sent from Heaven to protect the town against the gathering forces of darkness: Gabriel, the warrior; Ivy, the healer; and Bethany, a teenage girl who is the least experienced of the trio. They work hard to conceal their true identity and, most of all, their wings.

But the mission is threatened when the youngest angel, Bethany, is sent to high school and falls in love with the handsome school captain, Xavier Woods. Will she defy the laws of Heaven by loving him? Things come to a head when the angels realize they are not the only supernatural power in Venus Cove. There′s a new kid in town and he′s charming, seductive and deadly. Worst of all, he′s after Beth.

Review:

It is suspected that the town of Venus Cove is under attack by Agents of Darkness, so three angels are sent to the town in order to help the people regain their faith and become closer to God: warrior archangel Gabriel, healer Ivy, and Bethany, an angel only seventeen years old in mortal years. They're not supposed to get too close to the humans while on their mission, but Bethany immediately falls head over heels in love with Xavier Woods. Their relationship is not without its obstacles, including the objection of Bethany's angel siblings and the arrival of a strange new student from Great Britain named Jake Thorn who wants Bethany.

Characters

The characters in this book lack any depth and it would be more accurate to call them caricatures. The angels lack any personality; in-book, Bethany says that angels have no need to develop humans personalities because of what they are, but this excuse doesn't work because characters, angels or no, need personalities to make a good novel. (I would cite this quote exactly, but I am unable to due to reading it on a Kindle.) Xavier and Bethany's relationship is no sort of love anyone would call healthy; at best, it's an unhealthy infatuation between teenagers and at worst, it's obsession.

Every human character besides Xavier is made out to be shallow; boys only want to get in girls' pants and girls talk about nothing but prom. As anyone who knows real teenagers would know, real teens are nowhere near this shallow. It seems like they're all portrayed so shallowly and placed around Bethany to make her look better, but the trick doesn't work. Even Jake Thorn, the antagonist, was just a bunch of cliches thrown together instead of anything halfway memorable or remarkable.

Pacing/Plot

The plot was nonexistent until about the last fourth of the novel, when the antagonist Jake Thorn (whom Adornetto goes through pains to make obvious as the antagonist with passages far too heavy in foreshadowing) stepped up his game. Before then, it had been all about Bethany and Xavier becoming infatuated in one another. Neither of the characters are interesting enough to make the first three-fourths of the novel character-driven and the pacing suffers for it.

Themes/Conflicts

Feminists should stay away from this book at all costs. Many of the themes and messages within Halo carry a heavy antifeminist slant and it's not easy to ignore or avoid while reading. When many of these themes came around, it felt like I was being preached to by the author, and I didn't enjoy that at all. To start with (all of this is according to the book, not me; I don't believe in any of this), Christianity is the only way. The mistakes of a young woman reflect badly on the reputation of her entire family. A young woman is not responsible for her own mistakes because the man of the family takes them on as his own mistakes. You should judge a person by how they look because if they wear Gothic clothes, they are either evil or under the control of evil.

Throughout the entire book, women are very passive and it's always the men that take the first step or fight the big battles. The women are always the ones in need of saving. Even the dog refuses to sit when a female tells him so and then immediately sits when a male tells him so. This book is supposed to take place in the twenty-first century, and all these outdated values and blatant displays of sexism deserve no place here.

Conflict? There was none. Bethany and Xavier's relationship never faced anything I thought was a threat for even a second; I always knew they would just go around it or ignore what they were told to do so they could be together. The battle of good vs. evil didn't happen until the last ten percent of the novel and even that climactic scene lacked any tension or true conflict. To demonstrate, the following song was stuck in my head throughout the climax:

(What can I say? Sailor Moon will always have a special place in my heart, and this song fit the climactic scene too perfectly not to tell the world about it.)

Writing

Halo's writing was amateur at best and at worst...I really don't know what to say about it when it was at its worst. So much description could have been cut from this book without negatively impacting the reading experience--actually, cutting even half of the overly purple prose, unnecessary description, and just plain outlandish description would have made for a significant improvement. I'll just drop a few quotes here that I found while reading. They should say enough. Once again, I'm unable to cite page numbers due to reading it on my Kindle.

"Gabriel turned to look at me, his eyes the color of thunder."

"That was the effect he had on me--an explosion of happiness in my chest, scattering like little beads and making my whole body shiver and tingle."

And finally, the quote that has made many a feminist reader angry, one that definitely shouldn't have made it into the final copy. I take offense to this too and nothing I can say hasn't already been said:

"For the evening at least, feminist philosophy had been abandoned, and the girls, like fairy-tale princesses, allowed themselves to be led up the flight of steps and into the foyer."

Logic Only a select few books have ever made less sense. If my Christian mythology is correct, God has thrown angels out of Heaven and made them fallen angels before for putting anything, from love to their own selves, above God and their duty as angels. Bethany did just this, but she was not and never becomes a fallen angel. Angels are supposed to possess all human knowledge, but Bethany has no idea how to use a tube of lip gloss, and that's human knowledge too, albeit a different kind. It doesn't stop there. Where does a demon from Hell get a British accent from? Who brings a human who can easily get killed to a battle between a warrior angel and a demon? If Xavier is so in love with Bethany, why is he so unwilling to let her give her side of the story about what happened on prom night? Didn't the author know that an inverted pentagram (which is worn around Jake's neck at one point) is a pentacle, which is a symbol of good and white magic instead of black magic like she likely meant it to be? I could still go on. As I said, only a select few books have ever made less sense. Was it worth the hype? Admittedly, all the hype I heard for this book was negative. This is one of the worst books I've ever read, many friends said, and you should never read it if you value your sanity. Can it be helped that I got curious? But now that I've read it, I have to agree with them. It lived up to its negative hype and exceeded it. The one nice thing I heard was the the cover was lovely and in that respect, it also lived up to the hype. Bonus cover section The cover, I admit, is beautiful. The models' poses and the sun shining through creates a striking effect. Such a lovely cover is part of why Halo had so much hype. When beautiful covers like this are made, word gets around and people want to see if what's between the covers is as good. Some say that good covers often hide bad stories; in this case, I agree. Lovely covers do not a good book make. 0 stars! Halo was as bad as I'd heard it was and then some.

What am I reading next?: Chime by Franny Billingsley