Incarnation by Emma Cornwall

Title: Incarnation
Author: Emma Cornwall
Publisher: Gallery Books
Release Date: September 18, 2012
Pages: 352 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Book Depository

Lucy Weston tracks down the novelist Bram Stroker in her search to reveal the dark force who made her a vampire—and regain her humanity in the process.

In the steampunk world of Victorian London, Lucy Weston, a character in Dracula, seeks out Bram Stoker to discover why he deliberately lied about her in his popular novel. With Stoker’s reluctant help, she tracks the creature who transformed her from the sensual underworld where humans vie to become vampires to a hidden cell beneath a temple to madness and finally into the glittering Crystal Palace where death reigns supreme.

Haunted by fragmentary memories of her lost life and love, Lucy battles her thirst for blood as she struggles to stop a catastrophic war that will doom vampires and humans alike. Ultimately, she makes a choice that illuminates for her—and for us—the true nature of what it means to be human. 

Review:

Though I primarily read young adult novels, I'm no stranger to adult novels and enjoy them just as much. It's nice to have an occasional break from the teenage dramatics inherent to many YA novels, you know? As big a Dracula/vampire fan as I am (but I was not a fan of the cover the edition of Dracula I had as a child possessed; I wish I had a picture of it to show off, but I don't), I expected Incarnation and its highly original idea to draw me in and never let go, but there was something off about everything.

Cornwall's idea is fantastic and I love everything about it. The idea of Dracula being a piece of propaganda twisting and concealing the truth of vampires and the fate of Lucy Westenra (her real name being Lucy Weston) was what grabbed my attention in the first place and the way the author expanded on it kept me reading. The expansions made throughout the novel to include the Protectors, who safeguard humans from vampires, Slayers born every thousand years to cull the vampire population, and the precarious balance humans and vampires have in Victorian England aren't necessarily new, but the way in which Cornwall employs and describes them makes them feel like something of their own. Moderately fine pacing kept the story moving and unraveled the plots each side was planning in order to defeat the other.

What feels so off about the novel is that I didn't have any emotional investment and there doesn't seem to be much passion in the novel. I respond to a passionately written novel by diving headfirst into it and caring about what happens to each and every character like they're my family, but there was no such connection to Incarnation. Lucy is sympathetic as she struggles with her nature and the differences that set her apart from other vampires, but she didn't truly earn sympathy from me; I just knew that was how I was supposed to feel. The steampunk element seems like more of an afterthought than anything--which I didn't mind, as someone who doesn't care much for it, but readers coming in expecting more steampunk will be disappointed.

The way the novel leaves off, there is easily room for a sequel, though I don't know if there will be one. My Googling skills haven't turned up anything yet, and if there were a sequel, I'm not sure whether I'd read it or not. Fellow Dracula and vampire fans looking for a new twist on a familiar story will enjoy Incarnation and perhaps they will respond to it better than I did.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers

Team Human by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan

Title: Team Human
Author: Justina Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan
Publisher: HarperTeen
Release Date: July 3, 2012
Pages: 344 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: ARC received through a swap with a friend.
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

Just because Mel lives in New Whitby, a city founded by vampires, doesn't mean she knows any of the blood-drinking undead personally. They stay in their part of town; she says in hers. Until the day a vampire shows up at her high school. Worse yet, her best friend, Cathy, seems to be falling in love with him. It's up to Mel to save Cathy from a mistake she might regret for all eternity!

On top of trying to help Cathy (whether she wants it or not), Mel is investigating a mysterious disappearance for another friend and discovering the attractions of a certain vampire wannabe. Combine all this with a cranky vampire cop, a number of unlikely romantic entanglements, and the occasional zombie, and soon Mel is hip-deep in an adventure that is equal parts hilarious and touching.

Acclaimed authors Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan team up to create a witty and poignant story of cool vampires, warm friendships, and the changes that test the bonds of love.

Review:

You know how you sometimes think, when reading a vampire book "Man, this girl has no brains/has a terrible best friend. She needs someone to talk some sense into her/be a better friend!"? Mel wants to be that sensible best friend advising her lovestruck friend to take it slow with the vampire. How successful she is at being the sensible best friend and main character in Team Human is up in the air. For multiple reasons, this is one of the toughest reviews I've ever had to write.

As you might expect, the characters sometimes feel like improved versions of more famous characters in vampire lit. Cathy is our typical mature, bookish girl who rushes into a relationship with a vampire, but she knows exactly what she is getting into. She weighs the pros and cons of becoming a vampire, buries herself in books about transitioning, and isn't letting anyone, including her vampire boyfriend or her best friend, tell her what to think or do. Mel is the best friend we've been begging girls like Cathy to get, though she gets pushy and prejudiced sometimes. (But I love her name--Mellifluous. Heehee!)

I've read novels from both Larbalestier and Brennan before this and while they blended their individual styles well, there were a few moments where I felt like I knew who had written that specific line or scene. A line about Francis having a stake where the sun don't shine is one I'm almost certain is Brennan's. While it was a funny novel and a solid parody of the "girl meets vampire" trope, it didn't quite make the leap to hilarious. I would call it more of a dramedy than a parody, though. Book gets seriously serious toward the end.

One of my problems with the novel is that things from it tended to resemble a few things in real life that I'm unsettled by. Some of Mel's statements about human-vampire relations and how the two groups should be kept apart strongly reminded me of how segregationists in the U.S. during the '50s and '60s spoke. How thorough the process of informing a human about the risks and consequences of transitioning (showing them zombies, three required sessions with a counselor, parental permission required if underage) very slightly reminded me of the million hurdles women have to go through to get an abortion in certain places. But--I can't stress this strongly enough--the resemblance to abortion hurdles is very slight because aborting a fetus and changing species are two entirely different things.

I see bits and pieces of why I love both authors in this book. Humor I can see Brennan coming up with, Larbalestier's own brand of quips, and the gifts they both have in writing relationships between characters are all there. All the central characters are well-rounded too, so why, for some reason I can't figure out, couldn't I get fully immersed with the novel? Maybe it was the mystery element that took over the story halfway through. The only thing that impressed me about it was the aftermath of it. I tried so hard to love it, but you can't force bookish love.

After having so much trouble investing myself in the novel and finding things to love about it, I'm not sure I'll be back for its sequel. Vampire fans will almost certainly love it, and others who want to see the "girl meets vampire" scenario poked fun at by two talented YA authors will want to check Team Human out. I'm sad to say this is a bit of a disappointment for me.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Forgotten by Cat Patrick

Forgotten by Cat Patrick

Title: Forgotten
Author: Cat Patrick
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Release Date: June 7, 2011
Pages: 304 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: Read it on my Kindle.
Purchase/Pre-order: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

Each night at precisely 4:33 am, while sixteen-year-old London Lane is asleep, her memory of that day is erased. In the morning, all she can "remember" are events from her future. London is used to relying on reminder notes and a trusted friend to get through the day, but things get complicated when a new boy at school enters the picture. Luke Henry is not someone you'd easily forget, yet try as she might, London can't find him in her memories of things to come.

When London starts experiencing disturbing flashbacks, or flash-forwards, as the case may be, she realizes it's time to learn about the past she keeps forgetting-before it destroys her future.

Review:

I gave it my best shot. Just under halfway through the novel, I'm calling it quits on Forgotten because this book is stupid. For a moment, I tried to find a kinder way to put it, but why sugarcoat it and Be Nice? Forgotten is dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

The way London handles her disorder confuses me. Writing down what it to come the next day so she can prepare herself? That's a smart one. I'll give her that much. However, her past is just as important as her future and yet she neglects her past by barely recording it or not recording it at all. How is she going to grow and change if she doesn't bother to start recording her past more thoroughly until she gets a boyfriend? Does she not remember the saying, "Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it"?

Oh, wait. That wasn't nice to say, was it?

Concerning the aforementioned boyfriend, their relationship was one-hundred percent insta-love. That should say everything that needs to be said about why Luke and London's budding love made me want to go to sleep. I'm constantly tired in the first place partially thanks to anemia, but it got worse every time I tried to dig into Forgotten. I wish that was exaggeration, but it's not.

Forty-two percent of the way in, there was still no sign of a plot. Jamie started her relationship with the teacher, London met and forgot Luke multiple times, London tries to find out more about her dad, she and Luke go on a few dates... As if I were London, I've forgotten most of what happened in the novel because it's so forgettable. The novel is readable, but it's not interesting. I think this is a case of the author biting off much more than she could chew. This sort of idea required a meticulous author who could execute it perfectly and it does not appear Patrick is that author.

After a friend mentioned how the book comes together in the second half, I forced myself to skim through the second half just to give it another shot. I gave Forgotten far more fair shots than it deserved, let me tell you. Something about a dead grandma and brother, "I love yous" between Luke and London--yep, nothing interesting there. Quitting at the forty-two percent mark is only looking smarter the more I think about it.

So there you go. Another DNF. Forgotten was riddled with holes and as dull as dull can be and I can't really recommend it. A few of my friends loved it, but it definitely wasn't to my taste. Give it to a better author who can give London and co. better characterization, give London better ways to manage her life, develop a plot interesting enough to make me finish reading the novel, and not turn a great concept into a sleep aid. Then we'll talk about me giving this book a second try. Like I said at the beginning, this review is not concerned with Being Nice.

What am I reading next?: Silence by Michelle Sagara

Masque of the Red Death by Bethany Griffin

Title: Masque of the Red Death
Author: Bethany Griffin
Publisher: HarperCollins/Greenwillow Books
Release Date: April 24, 2012
Pages: 320 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: ARC provided by Amazon Vine.
Purchase: Amazon; Barnes & Noble; Book Depository

Everything is in ruins.

A devastating plague has decimated the population. And those who are left live in fear of catching it as the city crumbles to pieces around them.

So what does Araby Worth have to live for?

Nights in the Debauchery Club, beautiful dresses, glittery make-up . . . and tantalizing ways to forget it all.

But in the depths of the club—in the depths of her own despair—Araby will find more than oblivion. She will find Will, the terribly handsome proprietor of the club. And Elliott, the wickedly smart aristocrat. Neither boy is what he seems. Both have secrets. Everyone does.

And Araby may find something not just to live for, but to fight for—no matter what it costs her.

Review:

Thanks to the magic of Goodreads, I can say Masque of the Red Death has been on my radar since August 30, 2011 and as more in-depth descriptions were added, it became one of my most anticipated reads of 2012. Seven months of anticipation, especially after seeing it get consistently positive reviews, make my disappointment in the novel that much more bitter.

Masque of the Red Death had all the ingredients for a great novel. A gloomy mood set by the description and Araby's inner thoughts set the stage for a fabulous post-apocalyptic Gothic novel. Poe's classic short story is creatively twisted into something that is both an original work and a loving homage to Poe's genius. Some scenes of the novel are incredibly powerful--like the one with Will, Araby, and the moonlight flower. I had to go back and reread it a few times because I loved it so much.

What is there not to like, then? The story sounds fantastic in theory, but it is more often lacking in practice.

Araby and Elliott are well-developed characters in all the technical aspects. Elliott has a motivation and is incredibly sympathetic; Araby doesn't have much of a motivation herself, but her despair and loneliness drew me to her and could once again earn a lot of fans out of sympathy for her. My problem is that despite their adequate construction, I couldn't connect with them. They didn't feel alive, so to speak. Their connections with other characters left a lot to be desired too. Why was Araby drawn to Will and Elliott the way she was? The hope they offered? That seems the most likely explanation, but nothing about the characters and their relationships clicked the way they should have.

Two-thirds of the way through the novel, very little had happened and there was almost no forward momentum. I procrastinated on a major paper to read this book and I wanted to at least pretend it was a better use of my time, but I couldn't keep up the illusion when I kept putting it down and watching documentaries about Columbine and OJ Simpson's trial on television.The plot did kick in shortly after--oh wow, did it kick in; I couldn't put it down for those last hundred pages--but saving any sign of plot or action for the last one-hundred pages of the book could lose a lot of readers.

But now I'm done and my Count of Monte Cristo paper is calling my name, motioning me to come closer with a knife in one white, crinkling hand and pen and paper in the other. I think it's best I go see it before I get stabbed--or worse, before one of my books gets stabbed.

As a bonus for readers who want a small insight into how the author chose the names for her characters, look no further than right here. If this is what happens when I express my dislike of a name, I may need to do it more often. Masque left me unimpressed and disappointed, but other readers will doubtlessly enjoy it.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Enchanted by Alethea Kontis

Ash by Malinda Lo

Title: Ash
Author: Malinda Lo
Publisher: Hachette Book Group/Little, Brown and Company
Release Date: August 11, 2009
Pages: 264 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: Bought it.

In the wake of her father's death, Ash is left at the mercy of her cruel stepmother. Consumed with grief, her only joy comes by the light of the dying hearth fire, rereading the fairy tales her mother once told her. In her dreams, someday the fairies will steal her away, as they are said to do. When she meets the dark and dangerous fairy Sidhean, she believes that her wish may be granted.

The day that Ash meets Kaisa, the King's Huntress, her heart beings to change. Instead of chasing fairies, Ash learns to hunt with Kaisa. Though their friendship is as delicate as a new bloom, it reawakens Ash's capacity for live--and her desire to live. But Sidhean has already claimed Ash for his own, and she must make a choice between fairy tale dreams and true love.

Entrancing, empowering, and romantic, Ash is about the connection between life and love, and solitude and death, where transformation can come from even the deepest grief.

Review:

Orphaned before she was even a teenager, Ash is no better than a slave in her stepmother's home, working to pay off the debt Lady Isobel believes she owes for being her father's daughter. Ever since she was a child growing up near the Wood, Ash has believed in fairy tales and stories the philosophers from another kingdom dismiss as nothing but follies. Upon venturing into the wood one night, Ash meets the fairy Sidhean and comes to develop a strange friendship with him that could become more. Her feelings only become more complicated after meeting Kaisa, the King's Huntress. One a fairy prince, one a beautiful huntress, both of them people Ash loves. Who should she choose?

Oh, how badly I needed this book to be good. My last book was a disaster and a half, so I ran to this in hopes it would cheer me up. Not to mention this lucky find in a used bookstore turned out to be signed by the author herself, which made me want the book to be wonderful even more. It didn't turn out as well and I'd hoped it would, but Ash was still a great retelling of the well-known Cinderella story.

Ash, Sidhean, Kaisa, and Ash's stepfamily all have the potential to be great characters, but their depths aren't explored deeply enough. I didn't have any real investment in the characters, and I didn't feel any true connections between the characters either. The romance of Ash and Kaisa was sweet, but I wasn't particularly attached to it or convinced by it.

Often, I wondered where the conflict was. Was the old vs. new theme also supposed to be the conflict of the book? There is no real plot, and Ash is not a strong enough character for the novel to be character-driven. Nevertheless, I kept turning the page in no small part due to the writing.

Ah, the writing. Sometimes, the narrative read as though a storyteller and I were sitting in front of a fire. The storyteller told me the story of Ash as I sat there basking in the fire's warmth, letting Ash's story come to mind and become more vivid with each word. Other times, it felt like nothing more than a story that overdosed on telling instead of showing. Some scenes like the hunt were vivid, but most of them failed to stick with me.

Speaking of the old vs. new theme, that had to be my favorite part of the book. Ash's choice to either cling to her old life (Sidhean) or embrace what was new and present (Kaisa), the conflict of the greenwitches and old ways with the philosophers and their new ways--above all else, this is what stayed with me. It may have been just a small piece of the story, but I still loved it. If you can be open-minded and not have a fit if a fairy tale retelling veers from the well-known tales, try Ash and see how you like it.

And a tip for readers? Always do research on a book you're considering or look at the copyright page at the very beginning of the book. After the small project I did on Goodreads reviews of Ash, I feel this is something everyone should keep in mind.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Watched by Sharde Richardson

Wildefire by Karsten Knight

Title: Wildefire
Author: Karsten Knight
Publisher: Simon & Schuster/Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing
Release Date: July 26, 2011
Pages: 400 pages (hardcover)
How I Got the Book: S&S Galley Grab

Every flame begins with a spark.

Ashline Wilde is having a rough sophomore year. She’s struggling to find her place as the only Polynesian girl in school, her boyfriend just cheated on her, and now her runaway sister, Eve, has decided to barge back into her life. When Eve’s violent behavior escalates and she does the unthinkable, Ash transfers to a remote private school nestled in California’s redwoods, hoping to put the tragedy behind her. But her fresh start at Blackwood Academy doesn’t go as planned. Just as Ash is beginning to enjoy the perks of her new school—being captain of the tennis team, a steamy romance with a hot, local park ranger—Ash discovers that a group of gods and goddesses have mysteriously enrolled at Blackwood…and she’s one of them. To make matters worse, Eve has resurfaced to haunt Ash, and she’s got some strange abilities of her own. With a war between the gods looming over campus, Ash must master the new fire smoldering within before she clashes with her sister one more time… And when warm and cold fronts collide, there’s guaranteed to be a storm.

Review:

After an incident in her hometown leaves a girl dead by a lightning strike (that may or may not have something to do with her sister), Ashline Wilde is happy to get away to Blackwood Academy in California on the opposite side of the country. She just wants a fresh start, the opportunity to be normal, and maybe a romance with that really cute park ranger. Then she gets a bombshell dropped on her: she, a few of her classmates, and even her sister Eve are reincarnated gods and goddesses. When Eve comes back into Ash's life with intentions that aren't the kindest, Ash will have to master her fiery powers and face down Eve once again.

I got pressured into reading this book. Many of my Goodreads friends read it and their opinions fell on both sides of the spectrum with a few in the middle. Some of my friends (and you know who you are) asked me if I'd read it and said I should when I replied that no, Wildefire wasn't in my reading pile. Now I've read it and I'll parachute into that middleground. Not good, not bad, and certainly not a "me" book.

What seemed to attract so many people to it was the promising premise and the diversity of its characters so many readers were wishing for. On those, Wildefire delivered. The premise was a fresh one and the cast had a diversity in races I wish the rest of YA literature could embrace. I love having characters from all different backgrounds--Polynesian, Japanese, Haitian, and Egyptian, to start--but their actual characterization leaves a lot to be desired. None of them have their own distinct personalities that set them apart from one another and they sound almost alike in what they say.

I'm picky about romance in YA books and hardly notice them anymore because I'm not much of a romance person, but I kind of liked what Ashline and Colt had. Yeah, Colt says some pretty creepy things sometimes, but I've seen much worse and I can't expect every character ever to be good at words because some people (including me) are bad at words. Their development is good and their date into the woods at sunset was a great scene both for them and as a scene in a book. Certainly not my new favorite couple, but they're fun to read about.

The first chapter of the book is infamously divisive due to the violence and the book nearly lost me there too. I've read the myths too and I know the goddesses tend to go after the women and not the cheating gods of spouses, but that doesn't mean I can't be irritated. There were more than a few things off with how the characters acted, especially with the principal just standing by and letting a girl be beaten up by two different people. It isn't a book easily judged by the quality of its first chapter, that's for sure.

The prose and writing has its strong moments, especially during action scenes where Ash and her friends have to fight or in Ash's visions of a small girl being studied by scientists. Then it attempts to be pretty prose and only succeeds occasionally. There were more than a few "wait, what?" sort of moments to do with the prose. I would quote them so you could see what I mean, but I would rather not because it's an ARC. Cutting some of the failed pretty prose attempts before final publication would be a great idea.

Wildefire in its first half is somewhat dull. Ash is settling in at her new school, meeting and getting to know all the important players, but very little happens until about thirty-five or forty percent of the way in. Maybe this has to do with how impossible it was for me to concentrate on this book. I never became emotionally invested in the characters or their situations either. It's not a good thing when I have to sit down and force myself to read a book because I can't pay attention to it. It wasn't that I wasn't in a reading mood--I've been reading a lot the past few days--but Wildefire couldn't keep my attention.

The second half is when the story really starts to kick in, but close to the end of the book (and I admit this with shame), I skipped about seventy pages to get to the end because I still wasn't interested and I was ready to get the book over with. I don't feel like I missed anything vitally important. A truly good book is good from the first page to the last; readers shouldn't have to endure a dull first half to get to a worthwhile second half.

I don't know if I've said this before, but I'll close my review by saying it: I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP ENDING THEIR BOOKS WITH CLIFFHANGERS. You don't need to use cliffhangers to make people read the next book in your series. If the reader liked the first book, they'll probably read the books that come after it. Ending books with cliffhangers just results in frustrated readers. Wildefire definitely wasn't a "me" book with all its strengths and flaws, but give it a try if you're interested.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly

Rhymes With Cupid by Anna Humphrey

Title: Rhymes With Cupid
Author: Anna Humphrey
Publisher: HarperCollins/HarperTeen
Release Date: December 21, 2010
Pages: 234 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it

Summary:

Goodman's Gifts & Stationery Store
February 14
Cashier: Elyse
3 boxes of heart-shaped chocolate . . . $12.00

Chocolate is the only good thing about this nauseating holiday.

4 containers of candy hearts . . . $5.00

Ever since my ex cheated on me, I've sworn off love. Too bad my new neighbor Patrick didn't get the memo.

1 Valentine's Day card . . . $4.50

I'm not interested. Although, he is pretty cute. And sweet. And funny.

1 singing Cupid doll (promotional item) . . . $0.00

Stupid Cupid! Point your arrows at someone else. . . .

Subtotal . . . $21.50
It's going to be a complicated Valentine's Day.

Why I Didn't Finish This Book

I had no expectations of Rhymes With Cupid beyond it being a fluff book to enjoy during summer and give myself a break with, but it was unable to succeed even in that respect.

The main reason I'm putting down Rhymes With Cupid for good is its main character and narrator Elyse Phillips. I like reading about characters who, for one reason or another, are cynical about love. I really do. It seemed like she had some sense, but she was so over-the-top in her dislike of love that it was painful to read, like how it seemed more like she was forcing herself to stay single and not move on rather than her choice not to date being natural. And her bad saleswomanship when Patrick was looking for a Valentine's Day card and she badmouthed all the cards. And her completely serious plans for Valentine's day to buy a bunch of chocolate and devour them all. She also spends her time lying to her co-worker Dina about Patrick having an interest in Dina.

In general, she's a drama queen and hard-to-like narrator. She constantly whines about "oh, I'm such an awful driver, I'll kill people if I get on the road!" I'm a horrible driver too. Once, I forgot where the brake was and I nearly hit a man and a mailbox because of it. I make jokes about how I shouldn't be on the road because of that, but she's dead serious all the time. And she's really not that bad of a driver. When Patrick takes an interest of Elyse's to teach her how to parallel park, Elyse flips the hell out. He chose to make her park between two very expensive cars, yeah, but how about rejoicing that you did it without damaging either car instead of freaking out over what didn't happen?

I will give it to Elyse that she is flawed, deeply flawed, but she had no redeeming traits whatsoever. There is not one thing I like about her personality and since the entire book is about her romantic dilemmas, it's best I stop here and save myself another 160 pages.

All that made this book interesting for me at all was a quick alternative character interpretation I did. Here goes: Her ex cheating on her with her best friend messed with Elyse's mind and made her both cynical and hateful of love. When Dina shows herself to be vulnerable and Patrick walks into the shop, Elyse sees an opportunity. She manipulates Dina, feeding her lie after lie about Patrick thinking she's cute, and gets Dina's hopes up. Then Dina will discover that Patrick doesn't like her and be heartbroken. Possibly mad at Elyse first, but Elyse will lie more and convince her Patrick lied, not her. Then Dina will be heartbroken and manipulate others the way Elyse does. An endless cycle of screwing with your head.

I'm sure that if I read further, my alternative character interpretation would fall apart, but I don't mind.  It was just something to entertain myself (and hopefully you) with for a few minutes.

Normally, I only mark a book a DNF if it's so awful that finishing it and ripping it apart with my review wouldn't be worth my pain. I really do try to finish every book I read. There are ten books in my room still waiting to be read and now I have the H.Y.P.E. Project on my agenda, which includes a dozen or more books. Rhymes With Cupid is not bad, but it's not interesting to me and I ultimately don't have the time to waste on it right now. If there's nothing that clicks with me, I'm not going to stick with it.

What am I reading next?: The Iron Thorn by Caitlin Kittredge

Born at Midnight by C.C. Hunter

Grab a seat and something to eat. This is going to be a long one.

Title: Born at Midnight
Author: C.C. Hunter
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Release Date: March 29th, 2011
Pages: 397 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Borrowed it from Kayla

One night Kylie Galen finds herself at the wrong party, with the wrong people, and it changes her life forever. Her mother ships her off to Shadow Falls--a camp for troubled teens--and within hours of arriving, it becomes painfully clear that her fellow campers aren't just "troubled." Here at Shadow Falls, vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, witches, and fairies train side by side, learning to harness their powers, control their magic, and live in the normal world.

Kylie's never felt normal, but surely she doesn't belong here with a bunch of paranormal freaks, either. Or does she? They insist Kylie is one of them and that she was brought here for a reason. As if life wasn't complicated enough, enter Derek and Lucas. Derek's a half Fae who's determined to be her boyfriend, and Lucas is a smokin' hot werewolf with whom Kylie shares a secret past. Derek and Lucas couldn't be more different, but they both have a powerful hold on her heart.

Even though Kylie feels deeply uncertain about everything, one thing is becoming painfully clear: Shadow Falls is exactly where she belongs.

Review:

Sixteen-year-old Kylie is sent off to a summer camp after she's caught at a party where drugs and alcohol were found. She and her mom thought it was just a camp for troubled teens, but it's really a camp where supernatural creatures like vampires and witches come to stay and learn how to control their powers.Kylie thinks she's normal and doesn't belong there, but strange things are happening with her that say otherwise. Throw in two new best friends, a love triangle, and the threat of Shadow Falls being shut down and all of this adds up to Kylie's summer.

We'll start with the book's worst point: rampant slut-shaming. In the very first chapter, a girl named Shannon that Kylie never interacts with is at a party with Kylie's ex Trey. Shannon is called (in third-person narration) slutty, a screw toy (twice!), a bang toy, special attention is paid to how short her skirt is and how low her shirt's neckline is, and she is outright called a slut later. What is Shannon's crime? Choosing to have sex with her boyfriend Trey.

Next is Kylie's best friend Sara. She used to think sex was special and lost her v-card to a guy she thought was the love of her life. He wasn't. In the six months after that happens, Sara starts to party and drink, dates four boys, sleeps with two of them, has a pregnancy scare, and then goes on to planning sex with a nineteen-year-old boy once she's sure she isn't pregnant. She no longer talks about sex being special. (Factoid: this book takes place in Texas, the age of consent there is seventeen, and Sara is sixteen.) It felt like her character was being used as a cautionary tale instead of a character. "Don't have sex, girls! Not unless you want to end up like Sara."

In short, this book preaches that girls who are sexual or dress in revealing clothes are looked down upon and are sluts. They're the bad girls and should be hated. The girls who decide to wait for sex are angels. You especially shouldn't have sex because that risks pregnancy. It's not like you can take the Pill or use a condom, right? They don't protect against pregnancy or significantly lower the odds.

How the fuck is this a teen book?! This book and its messages belong in the garbage, not in bookstores or any reader's hands. This is not the kind of book you hand to teenage girls, who get messages from so many sides of society about being a slut if they are even the tiniest bit sexual and only being worth something if they're a virgin. Nor would I hand this to teenagers in general because when they're struggling with their sexuality and new sexual urges, these messages aren't the kind they need to be hearing. These kinds of sex-negative books don't belong on the market for modern teenagers.

(Ironically, I have a print copy of this and I can see the cover model's nipple when I look closely.)

Kylie herself, our darling narrator, is a hypocritical, snobby, rude, jealous brat. I don't make it a requirement to like my main characters, but I know I'm supposed to like this girl or at least sympathize with her, and I don't know why I should. She looks down on people for how they look, instantly classifies them as Goth if they wear any black, thinks wearing black at all is a rebellion instead of a fashion choice, and has to constantly emphasize how girls are clinging to guys if the guys happen to be one she likes, among other things.

I'm supposed to feel sorry for Kylie, but the character I felt most sorry for is Fredericka, the female werewolf that likes Lucas and hates Kylie's guts. She is specifically designed for the audience to hate and gets no depth at all. She's just a piece of cardboard inserted into the story for no reason. She has what has to be one of the worst girl names in the world (I have a feeling she was given that name just because it is so awful and would give readers another reason to hate her), she has a thing for one of Kylie's love interests (and is deluded, also), and--gasp!--has sex! She is so evil! Please.

It does not escape me that both girls in the book that have sex are characterized as bad. Meanwhile, both dudes who have sex are Kylie's love interests. Still preaching. Still disgusting.

The love interests are no better. Trey pressures Kylie for sex, breaks up with her when she won't for a girl that will screw him, comes crawling back, and pressures her more. I don't like guys that play with emotions like that. Meanwhile, Derek fakes having a thing with one girl to make Kylie jealous, and I hate this even more. Lucas is supposed to be a bad boy, but he does nothing truly bad other than initially treat Kylie like an annoyance and get her a kitten. (Speaking of that kitten, how did he get that? It's not like he can leave camp whenever he wants to make a trip to the pet store.)

Kylie's vampire roommate Della was the only character I liked. Her situation of keeping her secret from her family, thereby ruining her relationship with them, and facing pressure from her cousin to join a vampire gang, is more sympathetic and interesting. She has a prequel story of her own, but she deserves more than that. I liked the dyslexic witch Miranda at first, but I stopped liking her around page 200. Trash-talking someone you have no business with is apparently more important to Miranda than saving her friend, who is choking to death on food.

Sometimes, things that happen are downright mind-boggling. How does someone SNEAK A LION INTO A GIRL'S BEDROOM IN HER CABIN AND NOT GET SEEN DOING IT?! Not that building a summer camp right next to a wildlife park with lions and tigers in it is a smart idea in the first place. Don't forget the whole kitten thing mentioned earlier. I don't think camp counselors have permission to randomly take underage campers to town with them while running errands. The Meet Your Campmate Hour was an obvious ploy to hook Kylie up with her boys. It's supposed to build friendship, but it's more like a matchmaking service because they will only pair a girl with a boy. Can't use that hour to make friends with other girls.

Two smaller points: if you're going to use bitch, damn, and shit in your book, you shouldn't be using phrases like "crappers" (from a sixteen-year-old girl!) to creep around cuss words or replace "hell" with "Hades." Hades is not hell--he is the god of the Underworld, which is also not hell--and Hades is not a replacement word for hell either. This book will also talk down to you as if you can't understand that she's talking about a certain person when talking generally.

The plot is like a performer at a club who spends most of their time at the bar doing shots instead of performing. When reminded by its manager Romantic Dilemmas (who is up there performing when no one wants to hear them; they want Plot, damn it!), Plot gets onstage, does a little jig for about two minutes, and then goes back to the bar for more shots. Romantic Dilemmas took over the show and only called Plot to the stage when everyone grumbled about wasting their money and wanting to leave. (Outside my simile-metaphor thing, the pacing was slow as hell.)

Books are trains that carry readers and make stops as needed, though the ends of chapters provide stations where passengers can more easily disembark and get back on. The good books stay on track, the decent ones slide off the rails a few times but stay on-track for the most part, and bad books result in a train wreck. Born at Midnight is special. Before you can get to the second station, this train crashes and the cars keep piling up while it slides along on the tracks. Just when you think it can't get any worse, another car adds itself to the wreck. All you're left with is a twisted metal monstrosity at the end of the book, but the crash still isn't over. There will be... sequels! The wreck continues!

Please excuse that slightly manic metaphor. This book has damaged my brain. If you will excuse me, I'm going to take my short shorts and go slut it up. I have not had my first kiss or done anything remotely sexual in my life, but I'm still a slut because girls who wear revealing clothes like I do are always sluts. Right, Born at Midnight?

0 stars! Easily one of the worst books I've ever read. Unless a truly "unique" book comes along, this will top my "worst of 2011" list at the end of the year.

What am I reading next?: Ten Things We Did (and Probably Shouldn't Have) by Sarah Mlynowski

Wherever You Go by Heather Davis

Title: Wherever You Go
Author: Heather Davis
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt/Harcourt Children's Books
Release Date: November 14th, 2011
Pages: 320 pages (hardback)

How I Got the Book: From the publisher via NetGalley (and thank you very much for that!)

Seventeen-year-old Holly Mullen has felt lost and lonely ever since her boyfriend, Rob, died in a tragic accident. The fact that she has to spend most of her free time caring for her little sister and Alzheimer’s-stricken grandfather doesn’t help. But Holly has no idea that as she goes about her days, Rob’s ghost is watching over her. He isn’t happy when he sees his best friend, Jason, reach out to help Holly with her grandfather—but as a ghost, he can do nothing to stop it. Is his best friend really falling for his girlfriend?

As Holly wonders whether to open her heart to Jason, the past comes back to haunt her. Her grandfather claims to be communicating with the ghost of Rob. Could the messages he has for Holly be real? And if so, how can the loved ones Rob left behind help his tortured soul make it to the other side?

Told from the perspectives of Holly, Jason, and Rob,Wherever You Go is is a poignant story about making peace with the past, opening your heart to love, and finding the courage to move forward into the light.

Review:

(Despite the following review, I don't think this is a bad book. Many small factors came together that ultimately made Wherever You Go not work for me personally, but that does not mean it's a bad book overall. Also, I love this cover.)

After the death of her boyfriend Rob, Holly has become withdrawn and is now forced to take care of her Alzheimer's-afflicted grandfather Aldo while her mother works to keep their family in an apartment rather than a homeless shelter. She doesn't realize this, but Rob is still around as a ghost, watching her and wishing he could communicate with her. Rob is overjoyed to learn that Aldo can see him and talk to him, but then Rob becomes upset when he sees that his best friend Jason is falling for Holly--and Holly might be falling for Jason too.

Oh, Wherever You Go... How do I begin to review thee? You were such a strange book that left me with all sorts of conflicting feelings and confusion over what I did and didn't like.

Grandpa Aldo and his disease were the high points of this book. He had a central part in the story as we see Holly's struggle to take care of him when his Alzheimer's worsens, Rob's communication with him and a clear picture of how Aldo feels about all of this, and the way Aldo's list of things he wanted to remember helped bring Holly and Jason together. Making the love triangle the hook for this book is a huge mistake. The real story is in how Aldo's disease affects all three teenagers and the various feelings holding them back.

Do you remember how you're taught to write in one tense and one point-of-view type? Well, this book was written in both past AND present tense, along with being in first, second, AND third person points-of-view! Holly's sections were first person point-of-view with past tense, Rob's were second person present, and Jason's were third-person past. It's great the author wasn't afraid to try something different, but this is the biggest reason the book did not work for me. I like continuity in my narrative style and I got irritated when the style is changing in two different ways so often. Having all of this happen at the same time but with Rob's sections in present tense and Holly's and Jason's in past tense does not help. There is a very good reason students are taught not to mix past and present tense in writing.

The pacing is dead slow for most of the novel. Towards the end of the book--and I mean the end, as in the last fifth of the novel--it picks up a little and I no longer felt like I had to force myself to keep reading. It was a shame that this ending only came about due to some drama that made absolutely no sense. Holly knows Mark is a douchebag that wants her to break up with Jason and yet she takes what Mark says about Jason's intentions to heart? And she never tries to talk to Jason about it! I thought she trusted him more than that, but apparently not. Call me jaded if a scene like that made me doubt Jason and Holly's big connection.

Wherever You Go is supposed to, in part, be about how Rob's death impacted Rob, Holly, and Jason. It's a shame I never had any insight into how they related to one another when Rob was alive. You never get to read about why Holly and Rob loved each other so much and you don't learn much about why Rob and Jason were best friends. I would prefer to be shown this rather than told, especially when it's such an integral part of the story. We see nothing of their past and that makes me not believe what I'm being shown in their present.

A minor quibble, but one I feel warrants mention: I know some readers hate headings that indicate a change in narrator because I suppose they feel like they're not being considered smart enough to figure out the narrator themselves, but this is the one area where I prefer to be told something rather than shown. The addition of headings to indicate whether Rob, Holly, or Jason is speaking before publication would be appreciated.

As I said earlier, this is not a bad book. It's just one that didn't work for me. The book automatically had three stars because I couldn't emotionally connect to it and when considering the various flaws, it eventually lost two more stars. I'm conflicted on whether or not I should recommend it to anyone, but give it a try if the summary jumps out at you and makes you think "I want to read this book!" or even if my review made you curious about the book and you want to see what I mean.

1 star!

What am I reading next?: Eona by Alison Goodman

Moonshine by Alaya Johnson

Title: Moonshine
Author: Alaya Johnson
Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
Release Date: February 16th, 2010
Pages: 288 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Christmas gift.

Zephyr Hollis is an underfed, overzealous social activist who teaches night school to the underprivileged of the Lower East Side. Strapped for cash, Zephyr agrees to help a student, the mysterious Amir, who proposes she use her charity worker cover to bring down a notorious vampire mob boss. What he doesn’t tell her is why. Soon enough she’s tutoring a child criminal with an angelic voice, dodging vampires high on a new blood-based street drug, and trying to determine the real reason behind Amir’s request—not to mention attempting to resist his dark, inhuman charm.

Review:

In 1920s New York, vampires and other such Others are minorities with few to no rights and Zephyr Hollis is the singing vampire suffragette, famous for how much she gives and her never-ending crusade for Other rights. She teaches classes for Others and immigrants so they can learn how to function in American society and it's normal for her to give all the money she has and have trouble paying her rent. Then along comes Amir, who offers her money to help him find Rinaldo, a vampire mobster. In her quest to find Rinaldo and do a few other things, like find the parents of a young, recently turned vampire boy, Zephyr runs into more than a few problems and gets a visit from her past.

I haven't read any books set in the 1920s before, so I don't exactly know whether the minute details of the setting are true or not, but they ring true to me. It feels like Johnson did her research on life back then and applied everything she learned to this novel. Despite how much fantasy is in this novel with all the vampires running around, this New York seems like the kind of New York that would have existed if vampires were real. It's just the right blend of reality and fantasy, something only a few authors can do. Johnson appears to be one of them.

Zephyr as a character has a good background and she is the only character I have ever seen that pulled off the "too giving" flaw without making it seem like a non-flaw. If you give your money away so much to the point that you nearly get kicked out of your apartment multiple times, that's a flaw. Her pre-New York background and her current actions as an Other activist provide a fun contrast and really shows how people can change in a few years. The supporting characters were fun and the plot moved along smoothly, tying itself up well in the end. If there was any sort of mystery, it is solved during the final confrontation. With an ending such as the one in Moonshine, the novel could be left as a stand-alone or be given a sequel. I haven't found any evidence of a future sequel yet, so I'm not sure there will be one. And...

And...

-sigh- I'm sorry, but I have nothing to say. I lacked any emotional involvement in this novel, so I'm just pulling stuff and trying to put my thoughts in order about them. I didn't care who lived or died, who turned Judah, what was wrong with Amir, where Faust was coming from--absolutely nothing caught my interest. I had a full PDF of this book before I started doing book reviews and got bored halfway through it, then closed the document and decided to get a print copy one day. Back then, I never thought on what was going on in the book and I didn't this time around either. It was neither bad nor good and in certain cases, this is worse than being bad. At least you care enough about a bad book to dislike it.

I wish I could give it a better rating than this. I really do. Sadly, a rule is a rule and if a book cannot earn my emotional investment, then it automatically gets this rating. Unless it's a special case, I make no exceptions. For anyone that's looking for a good book about the 20s and doesn't mind the large helping of fantasy mixed in, I recommend Moonshine. Maybe you'll get invested in it the way I couldn't.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Angelfire by Courtney Allison Moulton

Jane Bites Back by Michael Thomas Ford

Title: Jane Bites Back

Author: Michael Thomas Ford

Publisher: Ballantine Books

Release Date: December 29, 2009
Pages: 299 pages (paperback)
How I Got the Book: Bought it online because it sounded like fun

Two hundred years after her death, Jane Austen is still surrounded by the literature she loves--but now it's because she's the owner of Flyleaf Boos in a sleepy college town in Upstate New York. Every day she watches her novels fly off the shelves--along with dozens of unauthorized sequels, spin-offs, and adaptations. Jane may be undead, but her books have taken on a life of their own.

To make matters worse, the manuscript she finished just before being turned into a vampires has been rejected by publishers--116 times. Jane longs to let the world know who she is, but when a sudden twist of fate thrusts her back into the spotlight, she must hide her read identity--and fend off a dark man from her past while juggling two modern suitors. Will the world's most beloved author be able to keep her cool in this comedy of manners, or will she show everyone what a woman with a sharp wit and an even sharper set of fans can do?

Review:

Two hundred years ago, Jane Austen was turned into a vampire and ever since, she has been hiding among humans under many names, her current one being Jane Fairfax as she lives in New York and owns an independent bookstore called Flyleaf Books. She has spent the time since her "death" to try and get her final novel Constance published, only for it to be rejected every time until one house in the present time finally accepts it. Just when that happens, the vampire that turned Jane arrives in town to see her and she starts to develop some boy problems. Walter, the guy who fixes up homes for a living, wouldn't mind fixing her heart and she's got maybe just a teeny tiny crush on her new editor, the unfortunately-named Kelly. Accusations come forth that she plagiarised someone in her novel and sooner or later, all this pressure just might make poor Jane's head explode.

The premise was one of the most grabbing I've seen in recent months. A satire on the industry of Austen with a vampire Jane Austen that is trying to get a book published and defend it when a blogger calls it plagiarized? Sign me up! Unfortunately, there was a large gap between what I was expecting to read and the actual content of the novel. My imagination gave this book too much hype and it was an underwhelming read, though it would not have been a great novel for me even without the hype.

I should have suspected this would be the case from the mention of the dark guy from her past and two modern suitors, but I didn't realize how much of the book would be concentrated on Jane's romantic dilemmas. What did I expect? A satire of the Austen industry where a vampire Jane Austen is trying to get her book published, has to fight back when someone accuses her of plagiarism, and oh yeah, has some guy problems. It was more along the lines of Jane has guy problems and oh yeah, is trying to get a novel published and gets accused of plagiarism on it.The satire part is mostly confined to the first few pages and less than five one or two line reappearances in the rest of the novel. I kind of wanted a break from so much romance after reading a little too much bad or bland romance, but it turned out that I read more of it with this novel.

Almost every time something comes along that might distract from Jane's guy problems, something else comes along to get rid of it or the problems come to her. The blogger that accuses Jane of plagiarism? Yeah, that problem is eliminated shortly after it arrives. No more plagiarism claims. Traveling away from the boys? One of them comes to her! The romance overtakes the plot and makes what could have been a fantastic book if there had been less lovey-dovey nonsense a so-so read.

There isn't much else to say about this novel. It was not particularly good, but there was nothing that annoyed me other than the lack of a few things I would have liked to have seen in the story that the back cover made me think might be there. There were a few things I enjoyed, like how the novel took the war between Austen and the Brontes to a whole new level and Jane's wit, but otherwise, there was little that stood out to me. I wanted to put the novel down at one point because of Byron's monstrously creepy behavior (any pun that might be there may or may not be intended) but then I realized that for once, it was not being romanticized and it became a little more bearable.

Maybe I'm the problem for once. After reading this, I suppose that a read of at least one of Austen's novels and some knowledge of her would be required to fully enjoy the novel. I know very little about Jane Austen and I have never read any of her books (even though I plan to within the next year; it's on my list). Reading without that knowledge behind me could have made me miss the fun of the novel and may do the same to other readers.

Ultimately, this novel was underwhelming for me in some unexplainable way. Considering how interested I was in the premise, this is sad. Perhaps I should have known due to the genre of this book that Jane would be too busy trying to fix her Leaky Faucet of Boy Problems to unfreeze the pipeline above her that the plot was coming from. This is more about Jane Austen's boy troubles as a vampire than anything else. Anyone looking for more may get little doses of it, but it doesn't get enough focus to matter. Will I pick up the sequel Jane Goes Batty when it comes out in February 2011? No.

3 stars!

What am I reading next?: Delcroix Academy: The Candidates by Inara Scott

Angel Star by Jennifer Murgia

This is the very first DNF book I've had since starting this blog. Since I did not finish it (read: could not finish it), I will do a report on why I could not finish it instead. Don't expect a lot of DNF reports, but they will happen. Also, it will be profanity-laden, long, and more exact than a usual review. If I can't make myself finish a book, I've got some pretty good reasons why.

Title: Angel Star
Author: Jennifer Murgia
Publisher: Lands Atlantic Publishing
Release Date: May 18th, 2010
Pages: 251 (paperback)

Seventeen-year-old Teagan McNeel falls for captivating Garreth Adams and soon discovers that her crush has an eight-point star etched into the palm of his right hand--the mark of an angel.

But where there is light, dark follows, and she and Garreth suddenly find themselves vulnerable to a dark angel's malicious plan that could threaten not only her life, but the lives of everyone she knows.

Divinely woven together, Angel Star takes readers on a reflective journey when one angel's sacrifice collides with another angel's vicious ambition in a way that is sure to have readers searching for their own willpower.

Why I Didn't Finish This Book:

I tried, people. I tried to tolerate this book and find something I liked. But I could not. I gave myself until page 50 to find something worth reading for. I didn't want any questions about the book to plague my mind after I gave up, so I forced myself to page 84, where I finally said, "Screw this" and skimmed the rest of the book in about ten minutes and found that I had saved myself a few hours of misery. I have not hated a book like this since I read... let's say Becca Fitzpatrick's Hush, Hush all the way back in early 2010, around March or April. Isn't it a coincidence they were both angel books?

Here are the main reasons I didn't finish this book:

1) Insta-love. I hate it. I hate it when two people in a book instantly develop a crush on one another or fall in love with one another because I like to see a relationship develop over the course of the book. With insta-love, the author is copping out of that relationship development. I don't care what reason they have for falling in love at first sight. So what if they've been lovers in past lives or if one is the guardian angel of the other? Give me development or give me death!

2) "You need a boyfriend." This exact line is uttered by Teagan's "best friend" Claire and it pissed my little feminist off like little else can. Listen here: no girl needs a boyfriend. I have gone sixteen-and-a-half years without a proper boyfriend and I have never needed one. I want one, sure, but I do not need one because I am complete as I am, I can defend myself, and my primary happiness comes from me. There is a fine line between needs and wants. Just as food falls into the "needs" section--after all, how can you live without food? You'll eventually starve. Boys fall into the "wants" section because a woman will not die because she has no boyfriend. Don't ever tell me that I need a boyfriend.

3) Demonization of confident and/or beautiful girls. Brynn and Claire are both confident girls in this novel. Brynn is beautiful, confident in how she looks, and bullies Teagan. She flirts with Garreth while leaning into the window of his car and Teagan remarks about her "spilling an obscene amount of cleavage" into the car. Garreth remarks later that he doesn't like ostentatious girls. Meanwhile, Claire is also beautiful and confident in herself and before Garreth arrives, she protects Teagan. Later in the book, she turns on Teagan, gets controlled by her boyfriend, and ends up dead. It's the antagonist's fault, but why it happens doesn't matter this time; what happens to her does. I get that whole "the meek shall inherit the earth" thing coming from this book. Do you know what message I'm getting? Beautiful, confident girls are bad. Be insecure and convince yourself that you're plain so that you can get the boyfriend your "best friend" is convinced you need and become something great! I'm going to cut this off here because after this point, my rant would make a sailor faint and my computer explode. But this makes me pissed.

4) It is unrealistic as hell. I was rolling my eyes so much when Garreth arrived on the scene and everyone was talking about him that I was afraid my eyes were going to roll right out of my head. Both of my parents grew up in small towns (and I mean small- there was one school at each level for the entire county and one private academy with about ten kids graduating per year) and when I asked them if new kids got a lot of attention, they both answered that no, they did not. Do not tell me that shit was realistic because it was not and don't use the "it's just fiction!" excuse either because even fictional fantasy needs some elements of realism.

5) Boring characters. Teagan was a dull character with little qualities that made me hate her (see the reason below this one).  Garreth was the perfect love interest, which equals dull love interest because damn it, the guys need flaws too! I don't like perfect people! Hadrian, our villain with a name straight out of the Villainous Name Book, was a plain vanilla baddie; there was nothing special about him. He's just like every other bad guy out there who has the hots for the main girl for whatever reason. Claire and Brynn, our lovely confident girls who are demonized, are cliches and everyone else is even more unimportant than they are, so they don't matter.

6) I really fucking hate Teagan McNeel. I hate her name because Teagan is an awful name, in my opinion. I hate her personality because she is so insecure and I hate insecure heroines who keep telling themselves they aren't pretty when everyone else is telling them they are. I believe that every woman is beautiful and every time I hear a girl tell me she's not pretty, I go off on her. I just can't stand her! If she were real, I would be civil to her when I saw her because I would never be a bully and I wouldn't talk about her behind her back because that is even worse, but in my head, I would be ranting about her every second I was near her. Yeah, that's not very nice. I don't claim to be a very nice girl.

7) It's a fucking angel book! I don't do well with angel books. Heavenly? Superficial and infuriating. Hush, Hush? Off-the-scales horrible and pissed my little feminist off even worse than this did while also incorporating a future-rapist/rapist-in-training love interest. Fallen? Bloody awful. I got beaten with the Symbolism Stick just by reading the back cover because the main guy/fallen angel's name was Daniel Grigori (the Grigori are a group of fallen angels and I knew that before reading the book). His moods gave me whiplash and I gave up on page 100. But I gave this one a try because the summary made it sound so interesting and I've been anticipating it for six months and maybe this one wouldn't suck like other angel books. The friend I borrowed it from warned me that it had some of my worst pet peeves in there, but I gave it a try anyways because sometimes, our tastes differ in books. Why didn't I listen? I'm not even going to bother with fallen angel books anymore because there is apparently no expection to the "fallen angel/angel books suck" rule that I can find.

There are more issues that I didn't cover, such as Claire and Teagan's awful friendship, but these are the worst of the reasons.

My Reactions:

Just so you can see my reactions to this awful book, I went back through it for you and picked out what went wrong for me and my exact reactions to it.  I won't do this every time, but I had so many things in this book that made me go "Excuse me?" in some form that I believe you should be privy to it and the way my mind works.

1) The prologue, page 1: "...and the heavens wept for me." Oh really? You're so important that the skies cried for you when you apparently killed yourself? With a quote like this on page one, this isn't going to turn out well.

2) When we're introduced to the idea of popular bully Brynn Hanson, page 3: Oh God, here's the hot, bitchy cheerleader cliche again. Who wants to bet that she's going to be a slut too? And why are all of these girls in books getting bullied? I mean, damn, I know plenty of people who never got bullied once, but in books, they're everywhere!

3) A tour of Teagan's room, page 4: Ooh, angel sketches on the walls. I think I just got hit in the back of the head with something. Was that the Foreshadowing Stick? Nah, it couldn't be in a book called Angel Star. Nice job referencing A Great and Terrible Beauty. That's a kickass book.

4) We find out why Brynn bullies Teagan, page 4: So you got made fun of by Brynn for your hat and because you ate a fried egg sandwich that morning, a fit of vomiting got triggered. What the fuck that doesn't make sense at all!

5) Talking about her absentee dad, page 5: Ow, I just got hit with the Foreshadowing Stick again! Damn, someone's putting some real force behind that thing!

6) Meeting Teagan's best friend Claire Meyers, page 6: Great, the boy-obsessed best friend cliche decided to join the party! What's next, the perfect love interest? (Get away from my head, Foreshadowing Stick! Back, you fiend, back!) And Teagan needs a boyfriend? Excuse me bitch, but no she does not. No girl in the world needs a boyfriend. What she needs is a set of balls and a deadly weapon! Pet peeve number one!

7) Teagan sees something weird and Claire ogles a guy, page 8: Ah, there's the hypocritical action I knew was coming! So you drift off to la-la land while Claire is talking and see something funky, but I can hear you roll your eyes as you say "Forget it. I had lost her" while she ogles a boy elsewhere.

8) Teagan calls her life insane, page 9: Oh no you did not, bitch. You did not just call your life insane. So you live in a single parent home, are bullied, and have wonky daydreams. Guess what? There's about a million other kids just like you and millions more who have it way worse. Do me a favor and shut the fuck up.

9) Garreth arrives, page 10: Damn, this girl just spent half a page describing him. I think that she's going to bring up the color of his eyes a lot, so let's start the count now! Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 1. Man, I hate insta-love. Pet peeve number two!

10) page 11,"I had to speak soon or he would assume I was socially dysfunctional and at this particular moment that was a fate worse than death." This line is from Teagan. There are no words for how angry this makes me.

11) Teagan talks about how Garreth is like a god or a model and she's just plain old her, page 16: -gets held back by friends- Let me kill this girl and put us out of our misery, for the love of God!

12) Claire abandons her car and best friend in the school parking lot by riding home with her boyfriend, page 18: Yeah, that's such an awesome best friend! I want one just fucking like her! -foams at mouth- Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 2.

13) Brynn flirts with Garreth through his car window and Teagan sees, page 19: So because this girl is confident and is going after a boy she likes and just happens to bully you, she's spilling her cleavage all up in his face? Fuck you, Teagan. Not all girls have to be insecure little prats like you.

14) Garreth declares that he doesn't like "ostentatious girls," page 21: Fuck you too, Gareth. So you only go for the meek kind who won't stand up for themselves instead of the girls who won't take bullshit from anyone? Maybe that's why I haven't had a boyfriend yet! They would all rather have girls that worship them instead of girls who want to be their equals and won't take their shit. Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 3.

15) Teagan puts on makeup to look pretty for Gareth, page 24: So you're prettying yourself up in hopes of attracting this superhot guy? Try putting it on because you want to or it makes you feel good. You don't need to do anything to impress him, honey. Besides, he's already stuck to you like superglue. And  being told that you're pretty while being convinced that you're not... that sounds familiar! It seems that a lot of Mary Sues do that.

16) Claire accuses Teagan of reading too many vampire books, page 28-29: Well hell, if Teagan's not trying to be established as an everygirl/self-insert now, what else can be done? For God's sake, she's reading the same kinds of books that the targeted audience is! (Sadly, this includes me.) Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 5.

17) Teagan leaves to spend an afternoon with Gareth without telling Claire, page 32: Wow, so both of you easily dump each other without saying a word if a hot guy comes around and wants to take you somewhere after school. You don't give your friend/ride home any warning at all. How the hell are you two best friends again? Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 6.

18) People stare at Garreth and Teagan as they leave, page 33: First: this girl has no common sense, going off with a guy she barely knows. Second: OMG so interesting! This new guy (whom, if this were realistic, no one would give a shit about whether he's hot or not) is going out with this uninteresting girl who's pretty but convinced herself that she's not and gets bullied! We must fire up the rumor mills! (That was way too much sarcasm for once sentence to handle.)

19) Garreth and Teagan end up at the same coffee shop as Brynn and company, page 37: "Wicked groupies." This is the funniest piece of the book so far. Also, we get it Teagan; you're supposed to be with Garreth! You can stop beating us over the head with the magical feeling in your gut!

20) Garreth asks Teagan about her life, page 42: You're getting right to it, aren't you dear? Thank God! If this book were 400 pages long like some novels instead of just 250, I think I would have to kill this book. You're not exactly being subtle with your questions about living other lives, you know. You're lucky that God forgot to give her common sense or you would be on the ground vomiting because she would have kicked you in the gonads and ran away by this point.

21) Teagan eats dinner with her mother, page 52: Wait, so you just spent an entire chapter detailing a phone conversation with Claire and the event of Teagan and her mother eating dinner? This has no use at all! Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 8.

22) Garreth helps Teagan with a nightmare, page 56: He's in her room and it's nighttime and he's glowing and what the fuck is going on why isn't she freaking out even if its a dream (which it's actually not and she realizes this in a few pages) she should be freaking out like I am right now she needs more italics damn it! Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 10.

23) Teagan and Garreth go to a little chapel in the forest, page 62: For the love of God, can someone throw this girl a bag of Common Sense Beans? She needs them! She goes out to the middle of nowhere with a guy she just met two days ago because she feels like she can trust him. You know what? Gut feelings can be wrong. Don't trust a guy who shows up in your room as a glowing figure and whose eyes are required to be called blue once every six pages!

24) Garreth confesses his love for Teagan, page 66: God damn it, this girl is being spoon fed all of this stuff and she's taking it in far too easily. Did it ever occur to you to think about what you're being told? Maybe he's lying to you and plans to use you for something evil and is filling you with lies so you'll help him. Really now! Plus, I'm pretty sure Teagan's personality changed with each life, so he could be confessing his love for one of those past lives instead of for Teagan.

25) Garreth explains about Hadrian, page 76: Ooh, exposition dump! So Hadrian is a dark angel (don't you mean fallen angel?) who wants to wreak havoc and is Lucifer's twin brother and wants Teagan (probably so he can screw her)? I sense a love triangle! (Oh no, the Foreshadowing Stick is back!) And Houston, we have a Chosen One. God help us all. Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 11. I looked a page ahead and saw "pure of heart" describing Teagan. That's the one phrase you avoid putting on anyone for any reason- even as a Chosen One- because it automatically gets people thinking of Mary Sues.

26) Garreth breaks the news to Teagan that they only have eight days, page 83: So if Teagan resisted Hadrian and had a daughter, she would be more powerful than Teagan was and Hadrian would want to screw her too and make her evil? Ew... disturbing thought. And I lost all respect for Teagan here because when he told her that he would be earthbound and no longer her Guardian if he was there for longer than eight days, this sniveling bitch wants him to do that so they can be together. So she wants him to give up the divine calling he was created for and has been carrying out since her very first life so they can be together? She better be thankful that she's a fictional character because by now, she would be just plain dead.

End of chapter, page 84: Fuck this shit, I can't do this anymore! Number of times Garreth's eyes are blue: 12. Once every seven pages on average. That is way too many times!

In Summary:

After page 84, I screamed, shut the book, and took a ten-minute break, then skimmed the rest. I went looking at some reviews to see if anyone else had the kind of problems with this book that I did and I didn't find anyone who felt like this; most people liked it, in fact. Maybe I missed the entire point of the novel or I'm the wrong audience for this(though it's supposed to be young adult and I'm definitely a young adult). I came into this novel with few expectations, only knowing what little my best friend told me, so don't say I came in with a negative mindset. I never go into any book with the determination to hate it.

I swear, these are the exact reactions I had while reading. Go on and call me out for being overly mean and bitchy, but don't act like I'm insulting the author because I'm not. In fact, I thought Mrs. Murgia's writing style was quite readable. The problem was that her readable writing was telling an unbearable story. I've spent this entire DNF report taking aim at Teagan and the other fictional characters of Angel Star, not the real-life author. Don't mix those two up, please. I hope to see her telling stories in the future that don't make me want to twist off my own head and throw it into a wall because honestly? She has potential.